BPDFamily.com

I am balling my eyes out, I don’t know why… My fiancé w/ BPD of 8 years has been cheating, lying, stealing, DV, emotionally destroying me for 8 years. He finally started actually opening up in counseling about real things & I really thought maybe this time, but A female I know he had interest in over last couple years he worked w/ tried getting in touch w/ him. He would never tell me what happened w/ them so I asked her… she firmest said. Can you tell him I have been sober for 6 months, then said oh we were never intimate and he just gave me rides to work ( another thing he hid) so I asked him what happened & said I know everything.. I had to trick him because he’s a compulsive liar & said all I want to know is when you had sex… I was praying it was never like she said, sadly he says d I don’t remember when we had sex. I blew up… now I know there are WAY more people he had sex with which means he put me at risk for STD’s for 8 years because he never uses protection. I’m so disgusted & heart broken & yet baffled as to why this even affects me since I shouldn’t be shocked anymore, but here I sit crying my eyes out. What is wrong with me. I told him to leave & he said he will not & I will have to call the police to get him out & if I get a restraining order he rip it up. God I hate myself for letting him come back because I felt bad for because the LAST person he cheated on me with for months dropped him & made him quit his job so he was on the streets. And he is now manipulating the situation talking about poor him, how could I do this to him. He makes my brain hurt with his irrational self centered thinking.

I'm not qualified to give legal advise so I won't.

What I can advise is that you look into the particulars of restraining orders or protective orders in your state and find out what options of legal recourse are available to pursue upon someone who violates said order. In my state, violating a PFA is serious business and is definitely worth phoning the cops over, they will remove the person from your proximity and that person will face consequences. Your state/region/jurisdiction may be different.

I will beg of you to take DV very seriously, especially when it comes to emotionally unstable, often explosive individuals who act impulsively. Things can go from a slap to closed fists to a butcher knife very fast (speaking from experience) and I can't stress enough how important it can be to have an escape route planned and I keep a bag of clothes and personal items in my truck and know my nearest exits at all times like a fire drill. I have had to, unfortunately, drill the kids on what to do as well if things get off the hook.

If you even suspect an episode will escalate to violence, please evacuate and go to the police if need be. I used to be terrified of filing a report to the police because I'm a man and we're still heavily seen as the aggressors in some places but thankfully not here. You have nothing to be ashamed of in asking for help from the law to protect you and sometimes, it's exactly what's needed to ensure your safety.