BPDFamily.com

Hubby & I walked over to neighbors house today to invite him to dinner. He lit into poor hubby about not getting any help on a project and how he has helped neighbors & doesnt get a thank you. He was mad that hubby didnt go over & offer help. He has been a great neighbor until today. He & hubby have worked on many projects together after which they enjoy a beer. They call each other when one of them needs help. He has gone out to eat with us many times.  Hubby helps everyone in the neighborhood. Neighbors call & he goes right over. Everyone knows that. Hubby defended himself & reminded neighbor that he had said he would hire a kid to help him & all he had to do was call like they have always done. Hubby even apologized & was told "I dont want your apology". Hubby has been helping another neighbor for several days but this may have started before that. Neighbor never made eye contact with me. Good thing as I was frozen with fear.
This really stinks...to find out we have an uBPD neighbor...we both liked him a lot. Everything changed today & it is going to be uncomfortable going forward.
I guess there is a chance that neighbor could retract at some point. I think I would need some boundary...what might that look like?

With neighbors?

"Hi ! Beautiful day ! Enjoy !  :hi: "

No proximity, no jumping to help anymore unless it is a medical or security emergency.

I identified one family, my neighbors actually, who are very nice but don't feel quite right to me. I get an eery vibe at times, got some emotional dumping and projections on me by the guy, the woman is just too nice, but I've seen glimpse of how she really feels about certain things... I don't think they have PDs, but I can see they aren't exactly safe.

So I slowly reverted the evolving relationship back to acquaintance level. I cut conversations short and I don't give much information about myself anymore. I will still hang outside with them in the future, seeing how they have children same age as mine, but it will be a polite, reserved presence. Polite enough that we are on good terms, reserve enough that they don't feel like they can request anything of me. It's a tough balance, but surely easier to attain with neighbors than family members.

Since the relationship was already established in your case, it might require a bit more work to get it back to polite acquaintance, but definitely possible. Just don't jump in to make the guy feel better, DON'T say sorry. His behaviour and how he talked to you was not acceptable, to don't accept it, don't act sorry. Just be polite from now on if he speaks to you.

That's what I'd try anyway...

Does it seem possible for you? To ignore him for a while?

Thanks so much. That is perfect! |iiii
I was so stunned by this incident I couldnt figure out how process the feelings & arrive at any solution. I was distracted today & not very productive...tomorrow will be better.
Thanks again for validating his behavior is not acceptable.