BPDFamily.com

So when I first started getting the idea that I was in a relationship with some toxic patterns with my ubpd ex, I thought it was dv cycle because she had been severely abused in a previous marriage. There was the honeymoon, the tension, the explosion, the remorse, the honeymoon. But now, I feel like it’s all bpd. I noticed that I needed to track real close with whatever she had going on. After big fights and her rage episodes, she would switch to upbeat and energized and would get into new things that made her happy. But whatever the thing was, I had to be just as excited about it as she was. I had to mirror her energy level otherwise she would go down into darkness and rage and accuse me of not caring about her. I was evil for not liking thrift store dinner plates or nighttime mushroom pictures. Furthermore, I also noticed that whenever there was someone else in her life giving her grief that I knew it was only a matter of time before she started coming after me. I would be the next demon in her life no matter what I did. I felt like she was on a constant pendulum swing between rage and hate to happy intense with this heavy joining expectation. I was on eggshells pretty much every step of the way. Which was way exhausting. Day one nc, btw.

I relate to this. My uBPDw has a real need for me to share in everything she does. When we got together I was an ethical vegan and she had no dietary restrictions, and she pushed me so hard (intense FOG) to break my principles to eat whatever she was eating, which made me feel so violated. Then she developed an autoimmune disease and had to become fully raw vegan, and gave me more FOG for not being fully raw (with other intense restrictions) with her, with seemingly no awareness of the fact that I was basically single handedly working 2 jobs and taking care of our baby and house (bc of her medical conditions) and cooking for myself and preparing all her raw food. Most recently she decided to do a juice fast and gave me the same FOG over not doing it with her for more than 2 days or for wanting to add a smoothie for myself bc I don’t wanna lose weight.

Whatever it is, there’s an intense expectation for me to do what she’s doing so that we’re “in on it together.” She has no interest in the things I try to bring her in on. When I explain that wanting me to do whatever she’s doing isn’t really involving me, bad results.