BPDFamily.com

     Anti Social Personality Disorders (Psychopath, Sociopath, Narcissist, Borderline, etc.) are so similar that I have a hard time distinguishing what category my father and sister are in. If I had to guess I would say my father was a Sociopath/Narcissist and my sister is Borderline. I always knew my father had big problems (alcoholic, brutal, cruel, impervious, non working, and just plain nuts on all levels.) I was the the emotionally incestuous child until I was 37! I was in recovery in AA and therapy for a long time, but I finally broke free and have what I would call a happy, free life now. It take balls to admit you were such a dweeb...
     Now I am dealing with my sister, and at 72 I finally realized that she is Borderline. I always told myself that my sister had a similar "temperament" to our father and was just one of those people who was a little quirky and difficult. It was only when two of her children classified her as Borderline Personality that it came to me! There was relief and horror at the same time, but mostly relief. Horror to realize it runs in the family and relief that I finally had a name for years of "walking on eggshells" with someone and doing it AFTER enduring a similar situation with my father for so many years. omg
    Why could I not see it? One just doesn't want to know it. It breaks my heart. I would have died as a child if I did not have my sister to endure my father with. But knowing is everything. I don't talk to my sister now at all, but I never say never. But as of now I have just had enough. You know?

Yes, I definitely can relate to having had enough.And it is ok to take a break from a relationship if it gets uncomfortable, and even more so when there is ongoing abuse happening.

I was never very close with my brothers on account of age difference mostly. But I do believe one of them helped me get through the rougher parts of our childhood. He did his best to protect me, and he did end up...damaged, if you will. I wouldn't say he is BPD, but he isn't easy, and we aren't talking right now. I do love him, I am very aware of everything he endured, and for a long time I wanted to help him like he helped me, but then you cannot help someone who won't help themselves... I've also had enough of the family dysfunction.

At some point, we need to look out for ourselves too, we can't only be looking out for others. BPD requires a lot of attention, it leaves very little for ourselves... Often felt like my BPD mother wanted to swallow me whole. Stepping away was the only way to heal and find some kind of peace.

Are you close with your nephew and niece? Those who classified her as BPD? Has your sister been giving you grief since you've decided to decrease contact?

I mean, I know any gender can be considered BPD, but it is more synonymous with women than men. The women I have known who it have tend to be flighty and impulsive. I think you know, women can play the victim more easily, and get away with things men can't, and probably have a different brain structure, and estrogen, and so they present differently for this reason.

My Dad for instance has Covert Narcissism (probably more synonymous with men), and even though he can be impulsive, he is often more calculated, and reserved. How much of this is due to men having different brain structures or different social expectations is hard to say. Also, I'm sure men tend to present more violently (probably due to social pressures to bottle it up, and then blow up, and also because of testosterone) although my neighbor and exBPDgf could be violent too.

I try to view it as each person is different, but the boxes do help us understand things sometimes. Sociopath is more impulsive and brazen, and Psychopath is more calculated and reserved, btw.

Can definitely relate to family issues running into adulthood, it can really set you back hard. I'm in my early 40s and am still dealing with it, although I've managed to mature a lot even while living with my Dad still, for instance, so thank god for that. Glad you got out of it. It's a hard thing to break from, isn't it?