BPDFamily.com

I believe my mom has bpd. its been a long long long journey out of denial about her behavior, but my relationship with her is so chaotic and confusing and scary I've finally accepted it. when i explain our interactions to my friends their reactions are often shock and disgust. i feel very stuck and sad and the idea of setting boundaries with her (very invasive) feels impossible. i am a single adult, no children and experiencing loneliness in my life, so i feel like i don't have a ton of support for the pain i'm in. this all feels so awful.

Welcome and pull up a chair  :hug:

Chaotic, confusing, and scary sums up what it's like to have a family member with untreated BPD.

It's so hard to break the loneliness cycle when you feel down and dejected, especially when a parent is involved. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and let us know how you're doing. Every time someone shares how they're doing and what they're working to overcome, I'm convinced a small part of me heals. It's so confounding and isolating to grow up in a home with undiagnosed, untreated BPD.

Do you live close to your mom? How often do you see her?

Dr. Christine Lawson has written the seminal work on BPD as it relates to motherhood of young children; there are other books written for adult children of BPD mothers as well (very little work is done on the issue of BPD fathers given the gendered diagnosis and the fact it's "nearly" impossible for a BPD mother to have sole custody of her children, but it's likely "actually" impossible for a BPD father - though Lawson goes through both single and married parenthood).

I'm sorry you're lonely, it definitely can be lonely, because often the abuse, and your lack of awareness of it, leaves you isolated and without the resources you thought you could somewhat depend on. And the pain further isolates you, because it's hard to find people who can relate. These people understand dysfunctional families, although most of our stories can be different. I found it all very shocking when it first dawned on me. From my exBPDgf, to my Dad having Covert Narcissism, to others.

Dear Parper...welcome to this site.  I can say "ditto" to everything you said.  I was so glad to find this site and to learn that I am not alone.  Like you, when I would tell other people my story, they would look at me in disbelief or horror. 

Once, years ago, I went to a therapist who kept wanting to direct the discussion to be about my mother. I just wasn't ready to hear that she might be a problem...especially because she always said that our Dad was the cause of the family dysfunction. Now I know that therapist was onto something.

At this point in my life, I am just so exhausted from the drama from my mother and my sibling.