BPDFamily.com

Hi all, I am new to this site so, I'll try my best to navigate my way also, this will be a very long post so it's up to you to read it or not. Anyway, he's 25(m) and I am 21(f). We met at my school where I worked as a work-study. Things went downhill when I found out that he found out where I worked by using my Instagram stories to see my exact location and would come to my job every day. In all truthfulness, at first, I found it flattering that he went out of his way to do that then I told myself that if I don't check him on his recent behavior, this will only escalate, I was right. A couple of months went by and I didn't see him at my work-study job anymore due to him graduating. I then ended up seeing him in the school hallways randomly one day but it was to get his diploma. At the time, I still had the mindset that what he did
(using my Instagram to come to find out where I worked) was adorbs especially because I asked an older co-worker of mine who told me she would've been flattered if someone did that for her, of course, I agreed because many would at first too! Anyway, I went out to double-check if it was him and it was. I didn't want to be seen so I tried to quietly make my way back to my work-study job due to his back being turned only for him to come out of the office at the exact time I tried to go back to work. It caught me off-guard completely. With people I tend to like, I get very shy. What caught me off-guard the most was him speaking to me first due to him never speaking to me first at my work-study job and acting super awkward when I waved "bye" to him the last day I knew I'd be seeing him. He said "Hey." and then my anxiety got real bad so I just froze and did not say anything to him. He was with the school guard and the guard thought I said "Hey" so he said it to me and I said it back with my voice shaking extremely bad. The 25(m) then said something to the guard but his voice was shaking bad as well after I didn't say "Hey" to him. After that, everything went downhill. The next day, I requested to add him as a friend, but he never accepted it so I deleted my request. A couple of weeks later I thought it was the smartest idea to send him a message saying "Hey (his name) do you remember me from (our school name) it's (Gemma92!") He never replied. I felt so silly so I deleted the message and blocked him because I felt like games were being played. That is when he started amplifying his toxic behavior towards me. I started getting multiple views on my Instagram stories with fake accounts he was using. It went on for a couple of weeks until I had enough and so I unblocked to let him know that he needs to respect my boundaries and if he has something to say, we need to speak about the issue or I'll carry on with my life. I gave him some time to reply, nothing. I then sent him an article about how to stop being a covert narcissist. It wasn't nice but at the time, it felt nice to do. A couple of months went by and he continued his behavior but it became more extreme. He came to my house without me telling him where I lived so he can put some mail in my mailbox, it was a voting pamphlet. He then would watch my Instagram stories and show up where I mentioned I was
(he did this once). I then messaged him again letting him know that if he does not stop with his actions, I will have to call the police and inform his boss. When people hear that I included his boss, they think it was out of ill intent, the truth was, my mindset at the time was because I was close with my boss and listened to her, he must be too so he'll listen to his boss. I later found out that he quit his job because of me. The cops were called but didn't do much but gave him a warning about his behavior which he continued on the very same day. I then blocked him again to show him that he cannot cross my boundaries anymore. He used an old friend of mine pictures to make a fake Instagram, account just to get under my skin. I would see some comments where'd he'd say with the fake accounts "I don't understand how women act nice to you then leave you to give love to someone else." For some reason, he drilled in his head that I "rejected" him for another man. He's gotten a little better like not driving by my house anymore, not showing up where I do, etc. I recently unblocked him on the accounts he was respecting my boundaries
(Snapchat, etc, time: 3 months of no fake accounts.) When I tried to add him as a friend on Snapchat to discuss any miscommunications that might have gone on
(this was after 2 months of no contact from my end) he ignored the request per usual. He still views my stories twice a day at most with fake accounts but it is a tad bit better than the 10+ he used to do daily. I tried to reach out to his family to see if they can help him with his mental health, but no response from both. It just makes no sense why he rather communicate with me through fake accounts than speak to me with his real one. I just don't know what to do, I tried everything and I'm tired.

Hi and welcome :hi:

Are you wanting to be in a relationship with him?

Does he have BPD?

Hi, and thank you. I believe he does have BPD due to him fitting all the characteristics of an individual with BPD. And no, not anymore. I recently asked him to meet me at a coffee shop. Not only did he not open the message and ignored, he never came. He’s currently blocked on everything like before, I deserve better.

It sounds like going no contact is for the best in this situation. You should be someone’s only choice.

Hi Gemma92, I'd like to join with the others in welcoming you to the group. So sorry for the confusion and intrusion you've been through -- we definitely understand.

Am I tracking with you correctly that your main concern right now is ending communication and contact between the two of you?

Do you have any ongoing legal and/or safety concerns?

I'm asking because the different boards on this site have different areas of focus, so depending on your needs and questions, a board like Detaching from a relationship (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=11.0) and/or Conflicted (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0) (which also has a legal focus) could be a good fit for you.

Let us know what you need -- we're here for you;

kells76

Thank you, chemist52. I think that’s a great idea to at this point. <3

Hi kells76, thank you so much for the welcome. And as of right now, I’m very confused on what to do. No contact sounds like the best option I’m just tired of him using fake accounts to view my stories then never wanting to speak to me on his real accounts nor speak to me in person when I initiate conversations on his real account. As of safety concerns, I feel safe now I’m just confused and tired. So maybe I’ll fit in the conflicted section.