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Title: contact from sis & I am stumped Post by: beatup on July 19, 2023, 12:27:00 PM After 10+ years of NC with ubpd sis I have just received a small pkg. from her.
The note addressed the item sent which was a bonnet that matched an outfit that I had as a kid. She "pretended" to think it was a collar...I figured out it was a bonnet/hat in less than 5 minutes. It has strings on it to tie under chin. She suggested I check old photos to find the outfit which matched her outfit. (We had matching outfits). Yup, I have several photos of her & I in said outfits. She sent along a copy of a photo of herself alone in outfit & claimed she had no photo of me in the outfit. Nope, I don't believe for a minute that she has no pix of us together in these cute ensembles...based on the fact that I have at least 4 pix of us together. In the past she has always requested /demanded an email telling her immediately if not sooner that I have received a pkg from her. There was no such request in her note. Last I knew she had blocked me anyway. I find it odd that she is comfortable with not knowing if I received this pkg. Also odd that she is ok with no response from me. It has been 2 weeks since I received it. Title: Re: contact from sis & I am stumped Post by: kells76 on July 19, 2023, 01:31:38 PM That sounds... predictably weird.
What emotional need do you think it may have met for her, to send something "proving" that she was the "only one" who had item X and, in addition, was the "only one" who knew the true identity of item X ("it's an X, not a Y")? I agree, if in the past she'd demanded responses, but isn't now, that's different. Maybe she had a different emotional need from this whole situation. Sounds like you're not playing the game of responding like you did in the past. How are you doing with getting a sort-of break from that dynamic? Title: Re: contact from sis & I am stumped Post by: beatup on July 19, 2023, 02:20:19 PM hmmmm...it might possibly have something to do with sis's connection to Mom. (who passed away in '94)She mentioned Mom expressing fondness for the matching outfits. Sis likes to think that Mom (&Dad) preferred her to me. So if Mom truly gave bonnet to her instead of me...I am sure it was a matter of her being in the right place at the right time.
I have accepted NC and do not wish to change it. It took time. For years I hoped & prayed for her to accept my offer to try therapy together. With the help of this group I was able to let it go. Title: Re: contact from sis & I am stumped Post by: kells76 on July 19, 2023, 02:50:37 PM "Being the chosen one" also seems important to the pwBPD in my life (my H's kids' mom). Perhaps setting up situations to "be chosen" or to remind others "I am the preferred/chosen one" creates an external source to feel special and valued inside, due to the challenges pwBPD seem to have with generating those feelings within.
Glad you have the strength to decline to be in contact with her as that works best for where you are at. Letting go and accepting that she is who she is hopefully brings you peace. |