BPDFamily.com

Hi,

My wife has all signs and symptomes of BPD. I have mentioned it to her when she is stable, she  said I'm not an expert but she plans to see one (several monthes now and she has not made any appointment). I know that she can not control it and she does not even understand it when she is mean to me and blame me for everything, but I am at my limit right now. Today we were happy and planning a trip for our anniversary, she has been on a vacation since last week but I have to work, but since I knew this makes her happy I got a few days vacation but I had to work today. I have spent much more time than her planning this trip, yet when I came home today to do some shopping and finalize some details she like " I know you will say you got a vacation for me when you had a lot of work " and I said I would not do that, I am excited for this trip and I chose to get a vacation for it. I added that if I have ever said such things were only when you accused me of not caring. Long story short she insisted that I don't care, cancelled the trip (she said she is not coming anywhere with me) and now giving me silent treatment. So my question right now is whether to leave or not.

only you can answer that question for yourself, but if you have put it to a binary decision of "1) convince your wife she has BPD and is the source of marital strife or 2) leave", then you're probably better off leaving (***note - i'm not recommending you leave, i'm just saying that you shouldnt count on being able to convince your wife she has BPD, and that that alone will solve your problems***). 

if you want to keep the marriage going, you will need to work on yourself and how to handle your own feelings surrounding your wife and her instability. 

you can only change yourself.

What do you think will change if someone diagnosis her with BPD?  To be honest few are blunt enough to actually come right out and openly state it.