BPDFamily.com

I met my husband when I was 11 and he 14. We quickly became inseparable. Shortly after my 16th birthday, I left him because I had by then realized that his feelings were too intense after he told me that he loved me more than his own mother.

When I left he spiraled badly and ended up sleeping with over 100 girls. He had been faithful before that. We stayed apart until I was 28. In the meanwhile, he got married had 3 children and I also married someone else and had 1 child.

 We reconnected in 2012 and we both ended up divorcing our partners and marrying each other. We built a beautiful relationship for ourselves. We had 3 more kids together and his kids from his first marriage came to live with us as well including my first daughter. We live a very comfortable lifestyle.

Throughout the years he's had a couple indescretions, which I've forgiven. The issue now is that I've discovered back in March that he had carried on a 2 yr relationship with another person. We've been in long distance marriage for 2 1/2 yrs now. That crushed me and we went to couple's therapy for 2 months.

 He has swore since that the affair was over, but I've found out last weekend that though they had  slowed down; they were still talking to each other.

 I have since then demanded access to his phone, and he has refused. He went to the hospital 4 times since I've found out, the most recent being yesterday. He swears that he loves me, says he wants his family yet he won't do what it takes to keep us intact.

I am willing to work on our marriage if he agrees to give me his code and access to the phone on a as needed basis. I love my husband and I've always thought that it was reciprocated, however now, I am not so sure. Aside from cheating and the normal bpd things, he is a great provider, a hardworker, a good dad, he is the person who knows me the best. Ppl usually
comment on how close our relationship is because we're always talking. We spend hours on the phone talking several days a week. He's usually a caring, and attentive husband. 

His refusal to share the password shocked me as I wasn't expecting for him to give me such a hard time on it.  He says that he would feel like a puppet if he did and I feel like for me it's the only way to continue with the marriage. I don't really want a divorce, but if he's not willing to be transparent I feel like it's a big waste of time.

He's made at least 4 suicide threats since March, and is visibly tormented by his destructive choices . It's a  standoff now, he's refusing to give me a final answer. He thinks he can avoid the consequences of his actions and he doesn't seem to understand that this is a real issue and that our marriage is now on the line. He just wants me to move on from this situation and is acting as if he has not just shattered whatever bit of trust I had left in him. I wanna call his bluff, is that a good idea?