BPDFamily.com

Hi folks,

This is my first post! Thanks in advance to y'all for just being here and helping create an active community.

My partner attempted suicide in May and was having thoughts since last September. They're still really struggling and are at a pretty high suicide risk. Our couples therapist knows about the attempt, but my partner still hasn't told their personal therapist about the attempt. At this rate, I don't think they'll tell their therapist unless I'm more firm with them about it. In the past when I've been more firm about them taking care of their mental health (and doing my best to use the communication tools specific to people with BPD), they've felt extremely hurt, invalidated, and triggered. Given that, I'm extremely worried about their immediate safety if I start that conversation and it doesn't go well. Right now they view their relationship with me as the only good thing in their life.

Even in the best case scenario where they do finally tell their therapist, I worry about what would really be most helpful for them right now. Those difficult conversations in the past are what's gotten them to finally start therapy and what brought us to couples therapy. I'm so grateful for both of those steps, but they took each of those steps more for me rather than themselves. What's most important right now is them staying alive, but I also know true change isn't going to happen unless it's coming from within them.

Would love any thoughts or advice on how to best support them as a partner, and also how to take care of myself as I navigate it all. I'm on such a rollercoaster of grief and anxiety right now. My own journey with suicidal thoughts (this was years ago - I'm not at risk now), AlAnon work from an alcoholic father, and codependency in this current relationship are really on my mind. It's just tough to see the paths forward given the combination of their BPD and a high suicide risk.

Would your couples therapist be willing to share this information with your partner’s personal therapist? That would be a question I would pose privately (of course).