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I feel as though I'm spiraling out of control lately. I'm making a lot of changes to help myself after the abuse I suffered last year and the anxiety is really difficult. Although it's been over a year since I've seen the xH uBPD+, these last few weeks have been some of the hardest.

I'm continuing to heal from the trauma each day but it isn't easy as you all know. I'm really feeling it right now as I'm preparing to move and to take a big step in joining an intensive trauma program. My business is suffering from my lack of ability to function. I'm feeling so anxious too, as the trauma program asked my doctor to slowly titrate me off the medications I've been on for PTSD in preparation for our work.

I'm really feeling overwhelmed, alone, and like a failure (the negative self-reflection from this trauma is getting to me). I'm letting everyone down left/right personally and professionally while I try to cope with everything.

I want to see the positive of continuing to move forward but I just want to retreat and give up.

Any words of encouragement or anything would be helpful.

I know things are difficult right now but it sounds like you are doing all the right things you need to do to take care of yourself. I feel overwhelmed and alone a lot these days. Like there is a never-ending list of things to do and I can never get enough done. Some days, it feels like nothing at all gets done. But we have to remind ourselves to be kind to ourselves. I know for myself I wish I was further along in my healing but I also know progress has been made. I am miles away from where I used to be.

Hang in there yellowbutterfly.

I just want to say I feel this, you aren't alone. I'm years out now, and still struggle. And because I struggle, I have feelings of hating myself. And when I hate myself, and judge myself, I feel she was right to be rid of me.

But...I do know that I'm a good person, and I know that I tried my best with her. And I know that I didn't ever try to hurt her- with words, actions- the way she intentionally hurt me.

Trauma is a real thing, it throws our bodies and minds into a very, very challenging state. We should not hate ourselves for this, especially as we didn't ask for the trauma and didn't cause it to ourselves.

We are all in this together. You are doing the things you need to do to heal from a very real trauma and trauma response. That is cause for celebrating yourself and feeling you are making some progress. We can't bite it all off in one chunk.

Yes, I have my days.

I’ll be minding my business, and then it will suddenly appear in front of me like a mute spectre, staring away.

It takes me so much by surprise that I’ll stare back for a few seconds before waving it away.

If I give it even a moment’s credence, then the probability increases that it’ll just start following me again wherever I go…so I don’t let it.

If you’re forceful, and consistent, it will eventually tire of you, and go away.

Hello, yellowbutterfly! I want to join other board members in offering support.


I want to normalize this wave-like nature of the grief process, and emphasize how it is in no way a failure on your part that you are experiencing a rough patch.


Preparing for a move, joining a trauma program, switching up your medication, are all courageous actions forward that show you are putting yourself first. On the other hand, they all also bring forward an element of change, which can be stressful (even if positive!). Be kind to yourself as you process all of this. If you need to take a step back to recenter yourself, do so knowing that the only way to show up as your best self for other people and in other areas of your life is to take care of you.