BPDFamily.com

Why did they want to be friends? Say they are over you but then not but then they are then you make them sick? Why would anyone come back just to be rude but insinuate you're seeing someone and claim they aren't only to block you after such rudeness?

First, welcome to the fam.  :hi:

Please feel free to share as much as you want to and need to. Ask questions, engage with the community at large here. This is will be a great resource for you in your recovery.

Second, the short of is...control and power. Everything has to be on their terms. Please feel free to check out some of our tools here to get you pointed in the right direction.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

In the meantime please be kind to you and please take care of yourself.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

Welcome, Anonymouslyherea!

I'm sorry you are in this position right now. It's confusing, and hurtful. I asked myself those same questions, as have many people here.

What is important to remember (I have to remind myself of this as well!) is that this type of behaviour is a reflection of the person engaging in it, their ability to handle their own emotions, and not at all of your value or worth as a person on the receiving end.

I went through numerous discards. This time was different. I walked away. They came back again...now I make them sick? It's hitting my esteem pretty hard. After all the destructive behavior I have been through...

I think basing your self-esteem on the opinion of someone else, is like anchoring your foundation to a house built on sand.  When that other person has BPD or BPD tendencies, it is more like anchoring to quicksand.   It's pretty much a guarantee your self image will be trashed and you'll have doubts about yourself that you've never had before.   I suppose it isn't surprising, someone with BPD is going to feel awful about themselves inside (even if they don't show that to you) and not know who they are either, so not a big surprise you end up a mess also if you are with them for too long of a time.

You're right. I should never base my self esteem on anyone, especially a disordered person but it is difficult. I have lost sense of self, purpose and intterpersonal relationships.

This is something many people struggle with so you are not alone. But yes you do need to start working on developing your strength from within. If you allow external validation to guide you then you are more likely to run in circles and stay stuck in the same destructive patterns. You decide your value. You decide who you are. No one else!

Aim to teach yourself internal validation. For example, I'm never swayed by someone's opinion of me. Life is too short to give a  :cursing: what someone thinks of me. I'd rather spend my time on things that matter to me and achieving the goals I have in life. Its the ideal of having your mind focusing on something constructive and not destructive.

Always try to put yourself in positions of power in your mind. What do I mean? Eliminating all the outside noise and focusing what you can control and letting go of what you cannot control.

Also, you do not have to worry about being right or wrong here. Just share, vent, ask questions, and try to grow and heal here and lets us help you along your journey.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-