BPDFamily.com

Hi All,

My husband has been vaping for many years before we met. He's never wanted to stop vaping and he's told me as much. About a year ago or so he would smoke a lot during the day and in our apartments. At first I didn't care as much but then he started setting off the smoke alarm and would smoke while driving, cooking, in our bedroom, doing any activity he could. We had a discussion about him possibly quitting a few times and he mentioned that he never wanted to quit but he would start limiting himself. He asked me to constantly remind him about the habit and when not to do it. I tried the friendly reminders for about 3 months and he went back to his ways. I felt bad for giving up but it seemed redundant to give him reminders that still couldn't go in his brain after 3 months of it being constant.

Long story short, we moved to a new place, the place we are currently. He still smokes inside the house, especially when he's playing video games, driving and when playing on his phone before bed in our bedroom. I again asked him if he could take it easy with vaping in the car and in our apartment. The car reason is because we were in two car accidents and I like to know that he is being as cautious as he can. And then smoking in the apartment causes my asthma to be worse. He has asthma too but he doesn't care about his health and only loves his vape.

About a month or two ago he was at work and had his vape in his shirt pocket and while he was working on someone's car, the vape fell out of his shirt pocket and shattered the glass on the ground. I wasn't at work with him but he called me and was screaming, yelling and telling me he couldn't make it through the day. I mentioned to him at the time to try to breathe through it and to chew gum. I didn't really know what to say but we barely had any money and it was getting him new glass for it or paying for food and prescriptions. He ended up buying new glass for it and drove across the city; above, down, east, west. He went everywhere to find this glass and when he couldn't find it, he bought a new tank and kit. What was originally going to be $20 ended up being $200 and we had to transfer money from our savings for rent and other expenses for this. I was upset but I cooled down before talking to him. He knew I was upset and told me if this happens again I will stop for good. I told him "Do you promise?" I know that with BPD that doesn't really work but we have this hand shake promise that he takes seriously, so I did the hand shake with him and told him "Okay, if this happens again, you'll be quitting."

Wednesday of last week 10/4. He was at work and had his vape in his shirt pocket again and while at work taking out the trash he dropped his vape again. This time he didn't call me. I was texting him about dinner and he seemed off. I asked him what was wrong and he said he didn't want to talk about it. We both got home that evening and I asked him what was wrong and he said "Do you see me hitting my vape?" I said no, and he told me yeah the glass shattered again at work and I said f it and threw it all away and I came home and threw all my supplies away, my juice, everything. I'm finally quitting. I asked him what I could do to help and he told me to just be understanding. Wednesday he typically plays his games on the computer and I am usually doing something in the other room or sewing. I asked him if he wanted me to make dinner and he said no, I want to make it and I said, ok. We both went in the kitchen I helped him prep the stuff and he yelled out "Why won't this GD water boil yet". I offered to make it for him to have him play his game and he accused me of having something hanging over his head. I said kindly that I wouldn't have volunteered to cook if I was upset about him playing his game. He raised his voice and said "If you weren't my wife I would have punched you in the face by now". I was not expecting that and I walked away for a little while. He then apologized while I was still dazed on what had happened. I feel like I can't get use to it. He grabbed his dinner and ate in the other room and I ate mine in the kitchen. He played his game and kept falling asleep and asking me to make him more coffee. I did and afterwards he yelled at me and said see this is your fault. I didn't say anything and went to bed. The next day he was angry and irritable and I expected that from the nicotine withdrawal. Friday came and within two hours of work he called me and told me he bought a new vape and that he was sorry but it was the cheaper one you can buy at the gas station. He went through the vape within a day and half. Sunday night he has been crankier and more irritable and keeps telling me that once Thursday comes and he gets paid he's going to waste the check on new vape supplies. I told him that wasn't a good idea and trying to ask him if there's ways to help him. He doesn't think there is and he just wants to vape.

I feel bad and I feel like I don't know how to stick to my boundaries when it comes to this. I would love if he would finally quit. I feel like it would help both of our health issues, it would help with a baby being on the way and financially it would help. He doesn't see that and I'm worried that he will spend our money and buy more supplies. Does anyone have any help or advice when it comes to a spouse going through this? I feel like I can't help but I also feel so sad when he is yelling at me even more during this withdrawal.