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I just started reading "The Essential Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder" by Randi Kreger and found out that this community exists. I'm beyond grateful! I lost my daughter to BPD 14 months ago, and my granddaughter has also been diagnosed with BPD.

Hi Thankful4u,

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome to you to BPDFamily, I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you to our group here. I'm glad that you decided to join us.

Many members here can relate with your story as they have walked a mile in your shoes.

Can you fill us in on the back story with your D?

What do you mean by lost?

Welcome - I am new too.
I am sorry you are hurting and I too am curious (and a little worried) to know what "Lost" means

While I cannot speak for Thankful4u specific situation, seeing that they only made one post almost a month ago, it is unlikely they will engage this question, so I will make an educated 'guess'...

One of the 9 symptoms of being BPD is:

Repeated suicidal behavior and/or gestures or threats or self-mutilation


I can make some general statements based on statistics.

BPD has the highest in rate of death of all of the personality disorders - about 8-9 percent will succumb to it (the highest is anorexia nervosa [AN] - about 10-11% will succumb to it - this excludes temporary or preventable conditions of postpartum depression, substance use disorders, and age related dementia which are all higher).   Both BPD (w) and AN (d) are present in my family dynamic, so I am hypervigilant for the signs (stages) of it. 

Also, suicide completion rates are higher in males than in females (gender assigned at birth), but the rates of ideation are higher in females than in males - so the rates of completion are similar.  In other words a female is much more likely that she will share her thoughts on this matter than a male. 


Suicidal ideation, there are four stages of it

1.  Thinking about it
2.  Having a plan
3.  Having the means
4.  Having a timeframe (within 48 hours).

Both of my children have only gotten to stage 1; whereas, my wife has gotten to stage 4 six different times, and it is scary as :cursing: when you see her holding a knife to her wrists, or a pair of old school all metal scissors to her chest like a dagger, or holding a handful of pills trying to shove them into her mouth.  I was a dumb @$$ and did not call 911 each of those times, if you ever see this call 911 as things potentially can go from bad to tragedy in a matter of a few seconds.

With my pwBPD (wife), it seemingly went straight to stage 4, in a very impulsive fashion. 

I do a 'safety check' every morning, and ask my wife how she slept, as that also gives me a temperature check on how emotionally stable she is and likelihood she will dysregulate later on that day.  If there is a high likelihood, I will avoid anything closely resembling a stressful conversation or activity. 

If all 4 are present, call 911.  If 2 or more are present call 988 or text 741741 in the USA (or local equivalent in other countries).  If 1 is persistent (more than a passing thought, seek therapy for that person).

If you have more questions please ask.

In the meantime, I encourage everyone to do self-care while taking care of their pwBPD.

Take care, with self care.