BPDFamily.com

Greetings. I came across this group while reading Kreger's Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. All of my reading is confirming that my 18 yoa daughter has BP. The triangulation, planning, lying, revenge seeking, super quick mood changes are exhausting. She's currently a senior in hs and is working a part time job that she's managed to keep 13 weeks. I am hopeful that she will keep it and graduate but it's a real struggle in the cycling of hope, increasing released independence, an incident, punishment, a calm, etc. There's a steady and consistent tension in my house, in my head, and in all relationships she has with family in the house. I'm here to learn how to cope and manage I'm the company of you who are in it and have gone through it.

Look, I've lived through 3 teenagers, all of whom are now out of the house. The one who demonstrated the type of behavior you describe while he was a teenager definitely does not have bpd and lives a completely independent normal life now. I think it's really hard at the age your daughter is to tell whether there is a real pathological problem or not if she's generally high functioning and without any psychotic tendencies. It might be best to take a wait and see approach and just get her through her senior year and then see where you land afterward. Of course you might have more information to share about her behavior that would make me think otherwise. I'm just going on the information you've given.

Hi Mulou
You describe very well the seemingly never-ending cycle of emotional turmoil and the effort that goes into bringing that cycle back around, holding onto a pathway and hoping your child can manage to get to the next milestone.

For many of us, the intense turmoil means that ordinary routines are lost - dropping out of school, unable even to start a working life.

You have done well with dd still in school and now in work for over three months - but the effort and cost to you has probably been enormous. You are most likely exhausted.

You are also reading up to enable you to best understand the nature of this illness and how to respond.

The only thing I can suggest is that you find some way of keeping exhaustion at bay - regular 'time out' from even thinking about things could help you to help dd keep to the ordinary routines even in the midst of her emotional turmoil.

I often think of someone I knew who was a carer for a very difficult person - she had full responsibility 24 hours - six days a week.

It was that one day per week, every week that enabled her to carry on. It was a 'space' to look forward to, to unwind and regroup. It gave her the chance to step back and see if there was any possibility of doing something differently.

You may already have such a 'space' . . . .

Just wanted to say hi - send you a hug - I am new here too - and the posters who answered you were very wise and kind when I posted.

I commend you for researching (I am reading that book too :)

At the moment, I am taking a breath -it's all too overwhelming sometimes.
But I do feel that we all, as parents in unique situations, need to be supportive to one another because it's very lonely.