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Does anyone has an experience to her ex pwBDP ever come back (even for just telling me how bad I am) after a bad cutoff like this?

Long story, short.

We split up in June and have been apart for 4 months now, we both move on with our lives.

We don't live in the same country anymore (just for now), we will do it again eventually in the near future.

We broke up already twice now, but the first time we were more regularly in touch.

This time I couldn't deal with all the stress and I tried to move on, until I eventually understood I just needed time for myself to heal and the only thing I want is be with her and love her.


She is dating one of her ex's (a messed up guy with whom she have been in touch for years) but she was already complaining with me about him and other guys she has seen during this time.

We moved on with our lives, but always being in touch from time to time, till I decided to try again.

In the beginning she responded well, she asked me if I was still in love, she asked me to videocall, we texted each others a lot and very nicely for about 2 weeks, but after I told her "how much I missed her paints" she started complaining we are not together anymore and we end up in a bad argument again and I eventually been rude out of frustration.

Just a few days before she sent me a song and some posts about love, mentioning our relationship, so I thought we were on the same page.

But after that episode she categorically told me she don't want a relationship with me anymore (she has done this in the past as well, maybe a bit less convinced but she did).

After we had the argument, she blocked me everywhere (she did this already in the past and eventually she came back many times). I felt really bad and I ended up begging her to re-establish communication (I sent around 3/4  messages and 4/5 love songs in total). She didn't answer.

After two weeks I tried to text one of her friends, this girl didn't answer and told her instead.

She texted me just to stop or she will go to the police.

I just reply to that message by saying again I apologize, and this hurts so much, and if she want I'm here to talk. I never texted her since then (was around 10 days ago).

I think this trauma worked so well on me because I realized that this is beyond a normal behavior and I have to learn more about BPD, and I really realized so many things in these last 10 days, then in the past 3 years we have been together.

With the new knowledge I feel I'm finally ready to deal with this in a much better way than ever before and I would just let her know.

I'm not sleeping more than 5 hours at night since then, I wake up crying every day.

Please give me some hope guys!

I'm pretty sure I have been already devaluated and now I'm total black :((