BPDFamily.com

Hi
I hope everyone is well, I'm writing for the first time as I dont know where to turn.
I feel completely exhausted and overwhelmed at the moment with my partner of 2 years, the only reason I haven't left her is because we have a newborn baby of 8 weeks, but it has come to breaking point.

I love my partner of 2 years but even more so I want to be there for my daughter but she is making it impossible. My partner can swing for being extremely kind caring and loving to violent outbursts with beatings and threats of "I will show you" and constant verbal abuse, questioning my sexuality and accusing me of lying. when she is angry Im not allowed sleep, which leaves me completely emotionally destroyed at work, this happens a few times a week

Im stuck because I want to be there for my daughter of 8 weeks, which she uses as weapon. I come home from work exhausted and I dont know what to expect, if its bad Im expected to stay up all night with the child. when she really angry she says I will make the child hate you, I will make your life painful. I know she doesnt mean it because when she returns to baseline she sometimes apologies. she can be the kindest and pure of heart person but I currently at a cross roads as I cant function in my life anymore.

I knew I had made a major mistake 6 months ago during the pregnancy when at the funeral of my father, a discussion was had about a friend of mine she doesn't like, she used the whole time there to obsess about this friend despite the fact my father had just died. I could barely mourn about his passing and had to deal with her outburst, which she only does behind closed doors. Nobody knows what I'm going through, constantly on eggshells.

I want to do the moral thing and stick by and be there for my child, but shes making it impossible

I asked her to seek help but she refuses and blames me for her behaviour

What should I do?

I know how difficult it can be to wait for a response, and so I’ll put a quick response before I have time for a longer one. To give you an idea I too am a new dad with a BPD and NPD wife. Having a new Human is a massive challenge in itself and can often aggravate existing cracks in others and ourselves.
It’s amazingly brave to have poured your heart out, this is a great step in and of itself, this message board is a great blessing in that you have somewhere to express your pain, frustration, joy and everything else.. First of all, I hear you and I see you. I’m so sorry for all the ways that this has impacted you and your well-being as a human being with your own value and person. Self care is hugely significant. It has been for me, I know it can be hard with the sleepless nights but I started exercising again in the early hours. These simple steps bring back a personal sense of dignity. All the best and I’ll drop more messages later on!