BPDFamily.com

Conversations with my wife are so confusing. I go in with a clear sense of my reality and then I end up agreeing with her. I do my best not to ‘upset’ her but I repeatedly get baited into an emotional response. At the end, I feel like the one without emotional control.

What has helped you communicate in times like these?

ARCHERY,

   Thank you for joining BPD family.  We get it.  What you wrote sounds so familiar, if you read these threads you will see a pattern similar to yours and it is incredibly frustrating behavior to deal with.

   I am going to recommend a couple of books (these are starter books) to help you deal with these behaviors, especially with communication.  

   A very quick version of a useful tool is to remain, calm, and not upset.  Use "I" statements, so you don't criticise your wife.  I also validate my wife's feelings, and avoid making arguments over facts that do not agree with the feelings that she is expressing.

   Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by By Paul T. T. Mason, Randi Kreger - Make sure you get the 3rd edition, as it has an excellent assessment tool in it.

   Stop Caretaking the Borderline Or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with Life by Margalis Fjelstad - this one is the best for managing a person with BPD

   If you have more specific questions, please ask, and someone will be here to help you out.

   My most important piece of advice is to be sure to do self-care whatever that might look like for you, so you can keep your energy levels up to care for your person with BPD.

   Take care with self-care.

SD