BPDFamily.com

Hi all,

I’ve written before about the struggles I’ve had with my 17 year old daughter. She was arrested on Saturday for breaking and entering a hotel room but was released without charge.

Today, I refused to give her her handbag so she could go off with the same group and she punched me in the face. This is the second time she’s gotten violent with me so she already been given a warning.

The police have said I can make a statement and give evidence which will increase the chance of prosecution. I do want some consequence to this but I’m not trying to ruin her life forever.


Does prosecution ever help teen with BPD think more before acting? Or is it likely to just send her off the rails and since she’ll figure she’s already screwed up so what’s the difference.


Any advice appreciated

Going through the justice system and having a criminal record are natural consequences of certain choices. Ask me how I know  :( I chose to trespass so I got the consequences: handcuffed/photographed, a couple hundred dollar fine, a court date (found guilty), criminal record for 10 years (unless I paid to have it expunged), and one year ban from the trespass area (which was next door to my workplace -- big hassle).

Having that kind of record does not necessarily ruin your life. It is a hassle, but you have a choice about how you deal with it and talk about it.

I'm not sure that prosecution inherently helps teens wBPD think better, but I'm also not sure that it always makes things worse. It's an opportunity to "hit rock bottom" or not -- it's up to the person to decide if this is a "turn my life around" moment or a "see how I'm always victimized" moment.

It could impose some pretty firm boundaries on her life, and from a third party instead of you, so it could help you step out of the role of "policing" her and you could pass that role off to the professionals. She might go off the rails but instead of you having to try to guide her, it would be the law and natural consequences and third parties. That might be the biggest benefit.

Am I guessing correctly that in your area, your D17 is still legally a minor?

Thank you, even though she hit me I’m still feeling immense guilt for reporting her.

The police have just come and taken her out of her bed into custody and I can’t stop crying. Yes, she is still a minor but can be prosecuted although not fined or sent to prison - rather a youth offending service.

My heart is broken. It feels like things will never get better.

Hi Winter7399
Is the Christmas plan still going ahead?

Yes, still going ahead provided we can get her onto the plane and she doesn’t run off in the mean time and miss her flight. There’s only 5 days left but I don’t know if I’ll make it at this rate.

She was released today without charge and said it was my fault she got arrested, I shouldn’t have ‘snaked’ on her. So far, the legal consequences aren’t having any more effect.

I’ve set her up on a course in Ireland as well as a private DBT therapist once a week. I’m hoping it’ll soften the blow of the relocation and help her with a fresh start.

Hi Winter7399,

Hoping you and your D got on that plane and were able to enjoy some moments of peace for Christmas. Wishing you both healing right now;

kells76