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I am throwing in the proverbial towel & doing a Jesus Take The Wheel!  In talking with my mother, she said, my sister posted I am toxic and she said my BPD daughter said this (I just want to lay in bed and cry until Christmas is over, though, BPD birthday is right after..(I am searching my SOUL....I feel that I have given my daughter all I can financially, emotionally, even physically!) to help her, but...I am thinking this is just NOT going to improve (in reading the very helpful tips...I understand hers are an EMOTIONAL reaction and not her "true" feeling (?) (since that time, I send her a very simple text, "I know you are going to be with Nana (my mom) and your aunt (yes...I am EXCLUDED and I cried!) so, I left your Christmas gifts with Nana (I cried typing that); how THIS came to be THIS, is truly befuddling

Hello and thanks for sharing- it sounds like a very difficult situation. 

I want to make sure I understand this correctly- your BPD daughter said you were toxic and cut you out of Christmas plans?  And your sister posted this somewhere?

It sounds like you're in a lot of anguish right now and could use a bit of a break from all this.  Do you have other friends/relatives you could talk this out with?  Or are you seeing a therapist to help you through this?

For things to improve, it will take all of you to talk this out and find a baseline while establishing some healthy boundaries for everyone.  Have you considered how you'd approach that yet?  That's where I'd start.

Holidays and birthdays are so hard when there is BPD in the mix. I feel your anguish. pwBPD don't do stress well and the holidays introduce a lot of stress.

What led to your daughter's BPD dx?

Does she accept she has BPD, and has she been in treatment?

Very frustrating that your H is in denial, as you mentioned in a prior post. Has your daughter maintained communication with him?

There are quite a few cooks in the kitchen here. Your mother, your sister, your daughter. Your sister tells your mom what your daughter said. Is this an outlier for your family or is this kind of how people communicate? I would want to understand what people think "toxic" means, since it is ... imprecise. It could mean many things. What do you think your daughter might mean by it?

Hello,
One thing I have noticed in researching this illness is that bpd's often try and convince others that their beliefs about whoever they are targeting are valid. They search for validation rather than looking inward. Someone calling you toxic doesn't make it so!!! I  am so sorry that your sister is not being supportive of you. Are you feeling supported by other family members?

I completely understand how you feel, and the wanting to crawl into bed until Dec. 26!
Something that has helped me is telling myself that this is just one point in time. It's just one week, one day, one hour, one minute. It also helps to know that so much of what we are going through is typical of this illness.

Take care of yourself... wishing you some peace