BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone, forgive me for I am new and dont know how this works.  I have a daughter who has been struggling with BPD since she was in her teens, it has become more and more obvious.  I have an ex husband who is a sociopath NPD and has done everything in his power to brain wash my two daughters.  My eldest, who I payed for treatment and spent over 500 m thousand dollars when she was 16 never finished the treatment because her father would not cooperate.  She is now 20, has shut me out of her life until recently, and a week after living with me it blew out and she is again on no speaking terms.  Obviously she takes no accountability and others are always to blame, specially me because of everything her dad tells her in order to hurt me for our divorce.
She had to drop out of Tampa University, cannot mantain one single friendship for more than two months and all end in her being the victim. 
I am well aware that the only way to save her from this is by getting her into a residential treatment center to give her the tools that are necessary for her to be able to cope and understand her disability.  I live in CR and BPD and the right therapy are just beginning to be available, although I know my daughter needs an in patient treatment center.  She has been through PTSD, chaos from our divorce and living with an abusive father (physically, emotionally and psychologically) who on top of it makes her hate me even more.
I do not have the means any longer to provide the proper treatment and i am barely grasping by a thread.  Does anyone know if there is a way to find financial aid or anything that can save my daughter?
All comments are appreciated as i am hurting and desperate to save her life...i feel i am on a ticking bomb time.
desperate to save my daughter pls help

Hi dnof and a warm welcome to the group. So many parents here will understand your deep desire to help your beloved daughter heal -- you so want her to be well, and that comes across in your post.

It can be challenging when your child with BPD is an adult child. In your area, is age 20 considered adult? Even if so, do you still have any kind of guardianship over her?

One of the weird upsides to BPD is that it can be thought of as a "relational disorder", where the closer the relationship, the more traits and behaviors come out. But -- it takes at least 2 people to be in a relationship (more if it's a family system), so what that means is critical for you.

What it means is that even if your D20 doesn't do anything to help herself, you still have the power to impact the dynamic between the two of you, if you make changes in how you relate to her.

It won't cure her, but it can make things "less bad" to learn some new, often unintuitive tools and skills for communicating with pwBPD.

Check out our section of articles on when a child has BPD (https://bpdfamily.com/portfolio-child) for starters and let us know your thoughts.

Another free resource for families is the NEA-BPD (https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/), which offers a no cost 12 week course called Family Connections, for parents in your position, who want to make things better for their child and family. Take a look and see if you think it'd be a good fit.

I think you mentioned another daughter? How is she doing with all this?

Hi kells76 thank you so much for responding.  My d20 is considered adult although we still have guardianship over her.  She lives with her dad, she was stuyding in Tampa U but failed every course and got into fights with every person she lived with, so we brought her back to Costa Rica.   We had not spoken for over 2 years, I am always blamed for everything that goes on in her life, and this time she came to live with me for a week because after 3 days of being back she fought with her dad and sister.  It didnt last more than 8 days.  She went back, obviously blocked me and even told her dad I treated her as the maid of the house, told her to file a lawsuit over him, even said i told her she should become a prostitute...Im in shock and will not let this put me down because I know her disease.  Problem is, there is no help here in CR for what she has, and I spent all I had on her first treatment.  I would definitley need to get her help in the US and i know she would be willing to get it but i dont have the $ means anymore.
Her sister goes through hell, she suffers from ptsd caused by her sister and thank Gd is a strong 17 year old who got a Presidential scholarship in Tulane and cannot wait to get out of here next year.
Im scared, I have never seen my dd this bad and last year her friend with bpd commited suicide.  All i can see is she is days of going down the same road and i am petrified as i cannot get near her because she hates me.