|
Title: first post Post by: Betsy123 on January 07, 2024, 02:24:34 PM Hi. I feel so alone and helpless. My child is 35 years old and has been living with my partner and I for the past 3 years. She is very distressed most of the time, very angry and in a lot of pain. I really want to help her, all the positive communication and affirmation. But I feel so tired of all the abuse. So empty. I'm not sure I have anything left. She also has ME / CFS and apart from personal care can't look after herself.
Title: Re: first post Post by: Sancho on January 07, 2024, 07:59:43 PM Hi Betsy123
I hope by coming here you will feel less alone because there are people here, like myself, who know what it is like to live with a loved BPD adult child who is unable to move to independence. Knowing that was a great help to me because my friends don't understand or try to get me to use the usual behaviour management strategies that are not really applicable in my case. I found. myself more alone among them because they could not understand. And how could they? This is such a complex illness! It is exhausting on a day to day basis, let alone dealing with it for years on end. And I think the most exhausting thing is that fact that there is no end in sight - you feel like this is just going to go on forever. There are two things in your post that perhaps you could focus on: one is the exhaustion, the other the anger. Can you think of any way that you can work towards lessening the exhaustion? Things I think of at these times are getting a blood test for levels of iron, B12, and vitamin D etc. The stress we live under can play havoc with our health. How is the sleep? My anxiety barometer tells me when it is high because I wake at 4am with a sick feeling in my stomach. Do you work or have some times when you are away from the home? If you can, have a look at whether you have some time - however little - just for you, when you can put things aside physically and mentally. In regard to the anger - are you the target of blame? If so, this can wear you down like nothing else in my experience. I used to try to respond, to get dd to see that the way she saw things was not the case etc - but that only increased my frustration. As I came to understand BPD more I could see that it was a need to vent incredible emotional pain - and I learnt to let the words and accusations fly past me like a ball being thrown in my direction but missing me. I still find myself thinking about how I could change this or that. But the reality is I can't change the fact that my dd has this awful condition. I use the mantra I didn't cause this I can't control it I can't cure it This helps me step back from going around and around in my head about what I should/could do. The only things you can change are in relation to you; is there some way you can care for yourself more, some way of making more space in life to nourish yourself? Thanks for posting and I hope there is some way a small change is possible for you. |