BPDFamily.com

Apparently I am BPD and not her

Oh, so she did start therapy?  What was her therapist's assessment?  From your description it seemed she was the aggressor and tormentor and her behaviors triggered you, so I just assumed she would be recognized as having issues too.

Sam,

   I re-read some of your posts, and remember reading a lot of your dialog while I was silenced by my own pwBPD from posting here, and I can recall wanting to help you out at that time last year.

   From what I have read of what you wrote, it is possible that both of you are BPD, based on what you have written, especially with her hitting you with stones and other behaviors.

   However, more recently you suspected you might be a pwBPD.  For a brief period, I too have felt that way too, with all of the projection and transference from my pwBPD, until I got it sorted out with a couple of therapists, one a PhD in psychology, and then the one who trained him, as he indicated he was 'in over his head' with me - I know how that feels when a PhD cannot even figure me out.  My current therapist has told me that I am a codependent which shares many of the symptoms and traits of a borderline and after doing a deep dive on the top 15-traits of being a codependent it made sense, all of which can also describe a quiet borderline; however, I did not have any traits unique to being a borderline.

   I am sure you are shocked, and very frustrated, and possibly even very scared that you have this diagnosis.

   It is not the end of the world to be diagnosed, as there are many high functioning borderlines.  For instance, the late Princess Diana Spencer (who would have been the queen of England right now) is thought to have been a borderline, along with many other celebrities.  I have personally known brilliant scientists, both men and women with it, a couple of licensed therapists (one openly admitted to it, and the other was so similar to my exgf who made front page regional news on her mental health issues I suspect she had it too, an ordained minister among others. 

   The important thing is that now that you are self-aware, you can do something about it.  It is very treatable; however, it does require a lot of hard work.  Since you have slogged through for quite some time, I believe if you put your mind to it, you can beat this diagnosis into submission and force it into remission.  I believe in you.

   My daughter is a diagnosed anorexic (dAN), which is a common comorbid condition to BPD with similar pathologies, has been able to put her diagnosis into full remission in a very short amount of time by using 'wise mind' and willing herself to do the right things - mind over matter.  Even though it is in remission, she is still very focused on this issue, as I can tell it is still an internal battle for her, even though she exhibits no external symptoms.

   Can you share how you were diagnosed?  Were you an inpatient at a hospital?  Have you gone through pHp (partial hospitalization protocol)?  Are you currently going through an IOP (intensive out patient) program which involves both weekly group therapy and individual therapy?

   Since you are diagnosed, please be mindful that a lot of the posts especially here on the conflicted board could be triggering for you.  This site is generally not geared towards pwBPD, if you choose to stay with us, it could be triggering for you.   

   I am wondering if you have one or both of these books, as they can be very helpful to you for your own personal growth by the same authors

 |---> I Hate You-- Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality by Hal Straus and Jerold J. Kreisman
 |---> Sometimes I Act Crazy: Living with Borderline Personality Disorder by Hal Straus and Jerold J. Kreisman

   If you are still in your relationship, this is a good book for that

 |---> The High-Conflict Couple: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy by Alan E. Fruzzetti


   I wish you the best of luck.  Please seek out an aggressive therapy regime, and follow it entirely, much like you would a round of antibiotics - it will make you feel better; however, if you stop when you feel better, the sickness could return.  So, finish the program when there are no more symptoms for months, and even then, still seek regular therapy to keep it in check.

   Be sure to take care with self-care whatever that looks like for you.

   Take care.

SD

In one of your posts you wrote she hit you wiith stones. So whatever she has it's really bad.

Whether your diagnosis was spot on or not, she has extreme issues with criticism and abuse, likely rooted in her dysfunctional FOO (Family Of Origin) childhood.

Even if she refuses to seek therapy or refuses to share a diagnosis with you, the fact remains that she's a danger for you.  Can you accept that?