BPDFamily.com

I want to thank every single person who participates in this website. I only stumbled across it some months back while trying to make sense of what happened to my relationship and who I thought I knew, googling "ex married so fast," finding this site, reading every experience that sounded so eerily similar to my ex when the memory clicked:
 my ex had told me early on in our r/s that she had "borderline" and I was just naive (and too dumb) to do any research on what I was in for. I hope this can help others who go through something like this in the future. I may post a longer account of the relationship sometime, or fill context in future replies, but I wanted to focus this on my own recovery.

I was with my ex for ~2 years, knew her for some years prior and she had exhibited a similar cycle to what our relationship would be even then. But she walked back into my life one day, I was vulnerable, bored, and told her I was happy to see her. Her first words were "Stop, I'm literally in love with you." Naive I was to not see a red flag there. Only 1 day after we made things official, she had her first episode that ended with her berating me at an airport gate, "breaking up" with me, then getting upset when I didn't reach out after 1 day to fix the relationship. I was hooked.

This breakup/makeup cycle went on consistently for 2 years. I think we cycled at least a dozen times. Every time she would block me, unfriend my family, and I'd have to explain why she was always re-adding them on facebook. Eventually, the verbal and mental abuse turned physical, she threw a rock at my head and shoved me to the ground in one of our last fights. I still took her on a vacation with my family after that, but my new job moved me away and I ended it with her then.

I was afraid to go NC because she would always block me. I didn't wanna be blocked. I have amicable, distant relations with all my previous ex's, and I wanted the same for her. I also was trying to be empathetic, I knew how much it hurt when she blocked me. I didn't hate her, so I stayed in contact for ~4 months while she constantly tried to resume the r/s. One of our last times talking she called me the love of her life, we had plans to see each other that weekend when I was in town, but when I refused to stay the night, she blocked me on everything.

Six weeks later, she married another man.
Eloped.
She even uninvited her sister (her only "friend" really) from being there for "not supporting her."

She had lied to me when I caught her texting him a year earlier. Now, because we spent so much time together, I don't really think she was cheating on me for a year, but I do know she went right to him after we broke up - 6 days later was there first date. Learning of their marriage was a shotgun to my heart, I spiraled deeply. Ruminating if she had cheated while she had led me to believe I was the less faithful one for 2 years.

I left the state, went home, and literally moved to Alaska alone to work for a friend just to be 5k miles away from her. It's taken me months to reconcile all the lying, how much I was gaslit and misled. I was highly jealous because her husband was someone I let into her life, she met him through me. Him and I look alike, and have very similar hobbies. I struggled to comprehend, thinking "maybe she really found the one." I was blocked and when I tried to get any answers to find out if I had been cheated on, she threatened getting a protective order on me. She's a low-level clerk at the court and had threatened this even while dating.

For a long time I was in despair that I would never hear from her again. I would never get to see what she's doing, how her life changes, etc. HA!
I deactivated my facebook a month after her marriage and BOOM - one day later I get a notification someone from my old town is trying to sign-in to my account. It came early in the AM, when she wakes up and gets ready. Little did I know, this would continue for the next 5 months, and always early or late at night. By last December, I asked her family to tell her to stop trying to reset my facebook password, and she actually filed a court order. We had a hearing recently, she lied under oath to the judge I know she works with, I barely got a word, BUT the judge also knew I hadn't even lived there for a year and I did get to explain her reseting my password, and I was issued a reduced period for an order of no contact.

-NOW THE POSITIVE-
For so long I was distraught, wondering how could someone who love me commit to someone else for life? 6 weeks? Even considering the time we were broken up, only 5 months and some change to get married??? no engagement? Why couldn't she give me any decent closure? I work in a public field, how is she going to bring me to court when she's digitally harassing me? Well folks, I honestly feel content. I could tell by how she smiled after the hearing, holding her husband as she walked out, she really felt like she won something. That hearing was the most exciting thing in her life. My online profiles are public, and sure enough, she went home from that hearing and continued stalking my social media.

I may never truly be done with this woman. When the no contact order is up, I'm sure she will either try to get a rise out of me by resetting my password again, or maybe try to lie and get it extended? Who cares? Her life is no different, her husband is a recovering alcoholic, and while I do still wish well for her, I can already see a PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) storm brewing for what that marriage will be long-term.

But it isn't about her anyways. After that hearing, I am DONE feeling awful about a married woman whose biggest hobby is TikTok and stalking ex boyfriends. Recovery IS possible. It takes time, a lot of honest talk to good friends, and a lot of work. As a man, I never thought I'd be reading books on recovering from abusive relationships. I never thought I would be abused. Even as a rock hit my head I thought she loved me. But I did start reading those books, about eggshells and becoming whole again, and there is a lot to learn. I'm FINALLY feeling back to my confident self. Before her, I used to know I am a cool person. Now I feel cool again. I got a sweet dog, I have an awesome new job, making good money, a new car, lots of great friends who all can laugh with me about what was the most traumatic thing I ever went through.

Thank you again to everyone on this site, you're like a family I never knew I would need but so glad to have found. I'm committed to checking in from time to time to participate and help others get some desperately needed recovery.

Great story- thanks so much for sharing.  I am also about 18 months out and I have an entirely new perspective on life.  But I'm also still growing, still finding myself, and I realize now that could be the most tragic part of it all- you don't grow when you're buried in trauma...you just get by and accept.