BPDFamily.com

hello everyone,

I didn't know he was BPD because he didn't tell me directly but dropped little clues from time to time. In short, he devalued me, he kept telling me that I was angry when that was not the case at all. one evening , I didn't want to continue arguing because I saw that he didn't hear when I told him that I wasn't..he told me see you tomorrow we'll talk about it again.I found it so strange when I hung up I said to myself so strange that he absolutely wanted me to be angry. that I sent him a message to tell him that it was useless to want to seek conflicts with me, that we could leave it there.he didn't respond anymore, only read my message.  I haven't given any news either but I took the time to reanalyze the relationships and understand that it could be BPD. and I understood that I should never have reacted the way I did, so for his birthday I sent him a rather neutral message .maybe another mistake... so month later my birthday it's connected but no message. I changed the photo of my email profile he reconnected a month later at the time we used to talk but nothing no messagea Did he take it badly that I showed no reaction? and what's more I change my photo and I didn't contact him again...
I didn't know how to react at the same time I wanted to give him space I couldn't see myself running after him even if in a certain way I think he would like me to do it... and since then nothing.. It’s such a shame that this is happening, is there a way to get this back? thxu

Hi and welcome :hi: It sounds like you're interested in rekindling the relationship. No one can say for sure if he'll get back to you, but you can let him know you're open to it.

Being in a relationship with a pwBPD can be difficult if relying on assumptions about the pwBPD and what they're thinking or how they're feeling. I've found it much easier and less stressful to be direct and literal with my words and to not worry about trying to read my uBPD wife's mind. Here's a link (https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship) with good info. Thoughts?

HELLO :hi:
Thank you very much for your answer and especially for not taking into account my English mistakes. So, after doing my research and positing that it's probably bpd. In formulating this hypothesis, I also realized that I probably shouldn't have allowed so much time so as not to confirm the belief of abandonment.I really didn't think I'd find out about it in time, considering the beginning, even if there were already some small clues, including the fact that he was a "bit" clingy (but I didn't give in, I tried to set reasonable time limits to spend time together). But always the same, I wonder if he hasn't repressed this discontent, that he doesn't control me on this point, has made him explode much more often afterwards.
in short, if I had to get back in touch I said to myself that we must have the appropriate communication tools because I hope that he gets better I find it a shame that he does not free himself from this disorder, there are apparently solutions with therapy.
But, I also understand that a good environment is also a big plus for him, just like for a person without problems. This is what I was trying to know how to respond if the opportunity presented itself:

projection= example don't get angry when this is not the case.


What should we respond when we see that the other is projecting ? Should i tell him no but maybe it's you... who's angry ?
It doesn't seem appropriate to me because he is very sensitive to criticism and yet sometimes it seems necessary to express constructive criticism

Do we need to say that we miss him and that he can always count on us if he needs him without it accentuating his fear of judgement ?I feel like there needs to be a balance . Not too much, but not enough either ?

thank you very much

Greetings and I hope I find you well.