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It's been about a month, and I keep going back over everything in my head. Was any of it real? Did she mean anything she said to me? Did she ever actually love me? I'm working with my therapist on it, but I could use some advice from people who have been through it. What helped you move on? Thanks.

Hi and welcome.

Short answer- it was all real; the stuff you saw and the stuff you didn't see.  The stuff you didn't see probably played a big part in the relationship changing...and that's not your fault.

What helped me move on was what I just shared- my wife was hurting internally and hiding it from the world.  The problem was "within her" and not something I could fix, and that changed my viewpoint from anger/hurt to compassion.  My goals also changed from getting back together to both of us being happy and mentally stable. 

That meant I had to work on me, because I had gone through some serious trauma in the breakup.  But by prioritizing myself and actually healing, I was able to find common ground with my ex once again and focus on actually helping her when she was ready.  The longer I waited, the more I realized that I could stand on my own two feet without her in my life.  More compassion for her followed and eventually I was able to let go entirely.

I hope that helps!

Elle I am going to put it like this...your feelings may make it clouded that none of it was real because you are hurt. However, if we put that aside then you can understand that yes it was real, but it was only real in the moment. Fleeting. So while the hurt still sucks and is real understand that most of the negative emotions of thinking you are or were nothing and nothing was real is the inner you talking yourself down. The truth is that yes the feelings happened, they were real, but...again your ex partner was capable of only providing what you wanted for a short time and "in the moment"

So please be kind to you and take care of yourself. You have to grieve and cut yourself some slack.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-