BPDFamily.com

Hello again,

I have posted a few times on this site, and thank you for the feedback and advice I have received since I joined before I continue.

My next question is for everyone who has dealt with episodes lasting more than a day. How do you "re-orient" yourself following these interactions? How do you plug back into your life (i.e., work, school, friendships)? I just came out of a nearly week-long episode and am incredibly disconnected from what I must do to continue school and keep my job.

When I look back on my life and these episodes (before I learned about BPD), I usually end up disconnecting and start letting my own life fall apart because I no longer have the mental and emotional energy I need to manage. I am used to operating at an extremely high level and often juggle many things. Therefore, when these moments occur, it can be very disastrous for me.

Does anyone have any methods that they have developed over the years? I want to limit the level of destruction my mom causes until I can figure out a way to leave.

What I think you are talking about is the emotional distress which overcomes us, and how to recover from that to get back to baseline.  Have I got that right?

For me it’s movement.  I live in a rural area with mountains and hiking trails all around.  Two hours in nature gets me back to baseline and clears my head so I can think logically and feel better again. The difference between how I feel before and after is remarkable. If there’s a snowstorm outside, inside yoga and breathing does wonders. Or walking with a friend (without talking about my mother!). 

Anything sensory should help - bath salts or bubbles, boxing or kickbo!, listening to music, doing something creative such as fingerpainting with a child, shooting hoops, or playing with a pet… All these things are sensory, and help us to recover from that awful state of emotional distress.  Splashing cold water on our face can also do wonders if time is limited. Personally, I don’t like cold water, but these sensory strategies engage the part of our brain that aids us in emotional recovery, and the cold water trick did help.

I hope you can find some things that work for you soon. 

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

In "12 step language" this is called an "emotional hangover" and the analogy makes sense. When we are emotionally upset, this involves chemicals in our brains, and we can feel awful after that.

So there are two parts to this- one is - how to lessen the drama and our own participation, and two- be kind to ourselves if this happens, as we are humans and as much as we try- sometimes this happens.

Use self care as if you overdid something. Like if we ate too much rich food at a party, we might just have tea and bland foods the next day. I agree with Methuen with the physical calming. Walking in nature, gentle exercise, listening to music, Epson salt baths.

Spening time away from the emotional drama- since you are in school- staying at the school to study - like in the library- is a quiet and safe space.

My husband found, in his first marriage to a uBPD/NPD, that physical exercise brought him back to baseline. He was a runner and would go for long runs.

When I was experiencing panic attacks in my 30s, my therapist encouraged me to reorient after a panic attack by observing my surroundings and naming what I was experiencing by each sense -- I HEAR the sound of traffic, I SMELL the fresh laundry, I TOUCH and FEEL my cat's soft fur, I TASTE my sip of coffee, I SEE the vase my friend gave me. Your sensory experience is uniquely individual to you, and it can ground you/return you to your own personhood.