BPDFamily.com

We are pretty sure our adult child has BPD. This adult is now married and not sure how to get her to get diagnosed, since her arrogance would never allow her think something is wrong with her. Her husband has issues himself and not sure we can reach out to him. What does SO stand for? This is my first post

Hi Mumofbpdd
Welcome here. I hope you find some help and information here. I am not sure what SO stands for - someone might be able to help us both there.

It is so hard to witness our child - including adult child - display the symptoms and behaviours of bpd. The 'arrogance' you mention is part of this for some people. I know my dd sounds shockingly arrogant, particularly in relation to me, but underneath there is a frightened child ready to burst into the 'fight or flight' response at any moment.

One of the most difficult things is not being able to do anything about it when our child is adult. All you can do is journey beside them and hope that they will come to some realisation themself that they have a problem.

You don't mention how this impacts your life and your relationship - sometimes that is the place to start when coping with bpd.

I have been thinking and from my experience I would advise against being involved somehow with your son in law. It can make sense - joining to help dd - but in my experience it has always backfired. It is impossible to control anything anyone else says or does, so once you involve someone else you don't even know what they will say to dd - they might completely misrepresent you.

Also 'triangulation' and splitting are both huge in the bpd way of response.

I am sorry I don't have any practical suggestions apart from being very cautious about involving your son in law. We are living such a difficult life as we journey with our loved bpd children - either young or adult. People here understand that pain and frustration.

You are not alone . . .

According to this post:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=26601.msg1484268#msg1484268 it means - "Significant Other" - Generally speaking a romantic partner expressed in gender neutral terms, to which I don't think it might be relevant in this context.

The aforementioned post lists most of the acronyms that are used here and elsewhere where BPD is being discussed.

Hello BPD Mom,

I understand your feelings of wanting to do something to care for your daughter. But what you must realize is that your responsibility as her parent really ended once she was married. Her husband, who is now her main confidant, should be taking care of her, and as her parent if you interfere with their marriage, this will offend her. I don’t know what your beliefs are, but pray and know that she is a child of God and trust that he will help her.

Believe me, you don’t want her to cut you out of her life. So showing loving kindness and full acceptance to her will matter and may actually make a big difference in her life if she needs your help and support someday. Just love her.