BPDFamily.com

I don’t know what phase I’m at but it’s hell,
I have an adult son and an adult daughter with BPD both different and similar in behaviour. It’s terrible. I feel so ashamed as I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years when they were children and I wonder how much of this mess was caused by that. My daughter is pregnant and has decided to cut me off. Since doing the walking on eggshells work book a lot makes sense, kinda! But my heart is so broken and I have no idea how to carry on. I’m a mess. I also have an older son whom has schizophrenia and autism. I have lost my family in a moment it seems.

My son with BPD is very abusive and iv had to push him away, I did so before I knew it was BPD because I was drowning in his destructive behaviour, now he is homeless he lives in a car and we have had to get a restraining order as he has made many death threats and acted out doing things that are very dangerous and could have hurt us or others.  He lives in his car near by and we see him in the neighbourhood often he refuses to move on or get help.

My daughter has been a withholder and I felt deeply if I stopped taking her aggressive behaviour she would make it known she would withhold my granddaughter when born, I had no choice but to put in boundaries. Her behaviour has been worse than ever throughout her pregnancy and the lies have got out of control she tells so many lies, I find it impossible to be in her company sometimes and because of this she feels constantly rejected. I have poured my love into my family and worked very hard as a mother and woman but apparently I’m not good enough or even just  good. I am the root of all their problems they say. I am a super villain.

Iv hit the wall and although I miss them endlessly I do not want the drama and constant character assassination anymore, iv been a mum for nearly 27 years.

Iv arrived here beaten down and I have no idea of who I am anymore, II was always optimistic and had a cheerful disposition. Honestly I feel hopeless and like I’m never going to recover from this this

Sorry to be such a sad sack
I miss my family I’d imagined my adult children thriving and coming over for Sunday dinners, I’d hoped for grandchildren and hugs and laughter but it’s a huge PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm)ing mess and I’m so sad.

Thanks for your time

Hi In a pickle
You are carrying such an enormous load of pain :caution - sometimes I am sure you must feel as though you can't breathe!

For 27 years you have used every ounce of energy you have in trying to support your children - so many different needs, demands and crises. When we have so many demands we kind of keep on going, just dealing with the next thing that needs to be dealt with . . .

There does come a bit of a crossroads at times and this might be one of them. When my dd was pregnant she didn't want anything to do with me. It was a time when she was getting attention from her friends of that time. I kept in the background. A couple of weeks after baby was born, the friends sort of disappeared and with dd not coping at all, she needed me to step in.

Just a few thoughts . . .

It is natural to try to understand why this is happening but the cause of things is often very complex. Some children do experience abuse in family life but don't develop BPD. Others have seemingly picture-perfect family lives yet develop this illness.

It might be helpful to use the 3 C’s mantra – I didn’t cause this, I can’t control it, I can’t cure it – to help you let go of the sense of responsibility for all that is happening.

If there is a space of any sort now, I hope you are able to unwind a little and nurture yourself after 27 years of dealing with probably one crisis after another. Sometimes when there is a gap though, that is when we feel the pain in our heart most acutely.

Here we are able to understand that pain and the chaos that we live on a day to day basis. You are not alone . .

Ps I am not sure how the word 'caution' got in the first sentence!