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Title: Fallen out with friend Post by: RWarner on March 24, 2024, 04:23:32 AM Hey, my first post here.
Bit of a messy situation. I've grown close to a guy at work over the past few months. From my perspective it felt like there was something more than friendship to it, something I took time to acknowledge. We went out on Friday for some drinks and he told me that he had BDP, I had no idea what that was really (since this though I've read up on it extensively). During the same night we ended up talking about us and although he admitted that there was flirting he doesn't see me in that way. At the end of the night, my stupidity lead me to texting him saying I don't think we should talk anymore (I didn't mean this, I was just hurt/drunk and was trying to protect myself as I felt so stupid that i thought he did like me in this way. I called him a narcissist, again through anger, I do not think he is. The text argument went on for a bit and I have clearly hurt him because he said he couldn't believe I'd called him a narcissist when he'd opened up so much to me. I feel terrible that my own selfish anger has made him feel this way and since then he has not spoken to me. Like I said, since this I've been reading up on bpd and he finally makes sense to me. He exhibits most of the common characteristics of the condition and what I took as him being romantically interested in me is likely to just be one of his characteristics of the condition. I just don't know what to do now, I messaged him yesterday apologising and saying how terrible I felt and that I don't want to lose his friendship, but he has not replied to me. I know I have to reset my feelings for him, which I am willing to try to do because he is an amazing person and we do get on really well but I don't know how to approach this. He may never wish to forgive me and I imagine his condition is factoring in to this now. I want to make it clear I'm still there for him but I don't want to pester him or make things worse for him. Not to mention I will have to see him at work 5 days a week. Any suggestions about how I navigate this would be much appreciated, sorry for the lengthy message. Title: Re: Fallen out with friend Post by: kells76 on March 25, 2024, 12:27:33 PM Hi RWarner and *welcome*
Yes, work relationships/interactions can get messy. That would be difficult not to get a break at work from seeing an ex/friend. I can't imagine working with the pwBPD in my life! This situation all sounds really fresh (if it happened this past Friday). Are you feeling anxiety about it? It can take time to reestablish a "baseline" once that line from "not romantic" to "romantic" has been crossed. It may be important for you to find a way to sit with whatever feelings you have (including uncomfortable ones) and let things play out/wind down organically, vs trying to push for "resolution"/"resetting feelings" quickly as a way to feel better. Not sure if that's at play, but worth thinking about. Tell me a little more about why you'd want to still be there for him -- to me, that sounds like wanting more than a coworker relationship. This is difficult and uncomfortable stuff -- glad you found us. kells76 |