BPDFamily.com

I'm really in a bad way right now.  On the Wed before Easter my wife had another episode where I watched her go from calm and loving to yelling at me within minutes and kicking me out of the bedroom. We were talking about senstive things related to our intimacy but I was agreeing with her when this happened.  Once again I watched the train go off the rails.  Because it was a sensitive issue I got hopping mad which made things worse.  She didn't feel safe and we are now physically separated.  On Sat I sent what I thought was a very thoughtful email that expressed how I felt in as caring a way as I could.  I didn't mention BPD but I did talk about how I would like for us to acknowledge how when she is overwhelmed it results in outbursts of anger to me.  We talked on the phone the next day but it devolved into a screaming match. 

She hasn't felt safe talking to me since.  It feels like I'm being treated like a monster because I am asking not to be yelled at for no reason.  She said that Easter was a turning point and I'm just very scared, alone, and sad. 

I am desperately in need to someone to talk to.  I have a therapist who does Internal Family Systems.  She is very good but I think I need to find someone who specializes in helping people with BPD spouses.  Does anyone have any recommendations?  I think they would need to be qualified to work with someone in GA or KY.

It would also be helpful to have someone I can talk to as soon as possible.  I haven't seen any kind of hotline but I wonder if there are immediate resources out there.

I'd appreciate any recommendations.

Hi Jack-a-Roe;

It's good that you recognize needing more support right now. BPD relationships are some of the most challenging relationships to navigate; the more support we have, the better.

Honestly, one place to start is you could consider sharing these thoughts with your current T. Just talk about where you're at, what you think you need, and what you're looking for, and see if your current T has any recommendations. Of all the persons in the world, T's have the potential to be most skilled at hearing "rejection" lol and navigating that in a positive way, so you don't have to worry about "saying the right thing" or "letting your T down easy". Worth a try to show up and say "I've been thinking _________, I'm looking for _________, I wonder if you have any recommendations".

Another option could be the psychologytoday.com "find a therapist" feature (at the top of the home page). Enter your location, then when it shows a list of therapists, there should be an additional menu saying "types of therapy". Choosing DBT will likely get you T's with experience and background with BPD, and really, getting some DBT isn't bad for anyone. It can help the "non's" as well as the pwBPD. You could even contact a few of the DBT practitioners, share your situation, and again ask for recommendations.

...


Did she say that?

Thanks Kells.  I appreciate the response.  I've been looking on Psych today.  It is a bit overwhelming but I've reached out to a few folks.  She did not actually say I was a monster, but she did say she doesn't feel safe with me.  I can understand- I got very angry when she burst out at me again.  But I have apologized for my anger, validating her feelings of being unsafe, and told her how I am looking for therapeutic help on my responses.  One of our fights really spiralled- she barricaded the bedroom door, forcibly took my phone, pushed me, and threw a baseball bat on the floor screaming "why don't you finish me in."  I reacted angrily but did not get physical other than trying to grab my phone back.