BPDFamily.com

In general, HIPAA is a good thing.

However, hBPD Mom has everyone cut out on her HIPAA.  She had a hysterectomy a few years ago, and is (1) expecting us to caregive for her and (2) telling us all different stories.

She told me:  It was cancer.  You need to be checked for it.
She told Father (who she hates): I'm eat up with Cancer and dying.
She told sister (who is usually Golden):  It wasn't cancer.

She is in her late 80s and needs rides to her Dr. Appointments which my sister usually provides due to proximity.  But she will not allow sister to talk to the Dr.  She comes out telling her that she needs this or that which is inconsistent.

I have physical tomorrow and have no idea what to tell doc about family history.  I've told her that we suspect that Mom has BPD and lies and is abusive. 

We do not have an official diagnosis and she is mentally quite sharp (too sharp really considering her hBPD), so we can't declare her incompetent to get the information that we need to care for her (or for ourselves). 

The hBPD is hypothesized because OUR therapists have told us that the problems that we have dealing with her indicate that she probably has BPD.  When we read the materials assigned, there were many things in them that we did not tell therapist that confirmed it for us.  One of which is that she says that we are all "crazy" (her word) and that she's the only normal one in the family.  She of course doesn't "need therapy".

I know that our hands are tied. While I'm curious about other's experiences in the same thing, I'm mainly venting.

Yes, both my parents went to the same doctor. I could go to appointments with my father and also had permission to speak to him about my father's health while my mother didn't give him permission to speak to me about her.

She later indirectly gave consent via a social worker who had consent to speak to him and also to me about any of her medical information.

Eventually I was made POA and medical POA.

You are not alone in trying to find out what your mother's diagnosis is so you can know you family history and can better take care of yourselves and your mother.  My mother with BPD is deceased. She was under the care of a psychiatrist for many years and seriously mentally ill, taking many psychiatric medications. All the medications she was taking were right on the counter at her house, so it was not hard to make a list, and then look up what these medications were prescribed for. Her symptoms easily met the criteria for BPD and her psychiatrist was very well respected for the care he provided his clients, so I am sure she was diagnosed with BPD along with several other psychiatric disorders. I once called her psychiatrist and he would not tell me anything about her diagnosis due to HIPPA. I know how frustrated and disappointed you likely feel.