BPDFamily.com

Hello, I am new here, have browsed other forums and have ended up here. I met my girlfriend, now ex [as of a few days ago], and I'm left feeling solemn and confused. To give some context: We were together for nearly 2 months, everything was great, she told me about her traumas, fear of abandonment, and much more; moreover, as I said, our relationship was great -- I reassured her, showed up for her when she had any sort of trouble (even if it was something as simple as needing to sleep), took walks together, and were quite affected affectionate with one another. Out of nowhere though, as if a switched had been flipped, she started messaging me alot more sparsely, told me she wanted space, and as of 2 days ago, broke up with me. She told me though, she still wants me to be in her life, even if it is just as a friend, for the time being; moreover, she had also told me that she talked with her closest friend about everything and said she wanted to take time, energy and space, then possibly see where her and I go in the future. As I said though, I'm confused, cause she had told me several times, "Don't let me push you away," and, "I'm terrified of pushing you away," and she would initiate affection with me and I was always there for her. I want this to work, I want to be there for her, and I don't want to leave her behind. I just need help understanding all of what is currently going on and what I should do/be doing, as she is currently being distant. Thank you!

I apologize but I didn't say this in the original post: A big part of what I am wondering, with her best interest in mind, what should I be doing for her? (As well as, what is she currently experiencing mentally)

hi ItsInugami, and *welcome*

i think in this situation, if shes being distant, the most important thing is not to chase or over pursue.

most relationships end in less than 90 days. this could be one, that ended for no particular reason, or for multiple small reasons, we can only speculate, but the good news is it seems like she has misgivings about it, and the door is cracked open with "see where we go in the future".

the trick though is, the ball is really in her court to pursue it. youre not really in a position to do that; if shes being distant, the more you push, the more distant she will likely be.

so, give her space first and foremost. when she comes to you, assuming she does, be available, but be cool, be confident, dont wear your heart on your sleeve, or push for reconciliation. you dont want to seem like your world has come crashing down, but you dont want to be totally aloof, either. let her pursue, match her energy, but dialed back a bit. psychologically speaking, that attitude can create attraction as well as second thoughts.

has she reached out since the breakup?

Thank you for the reply! I am currently doing my best to keep my head occupied so I don't jump the gun and overthink too much. Her and I have talked a small amount since then, where the conversation spiraled into her telling ne than she missed and still loved me but wants to take time apart to get her mental right. I still plan on being here for her, even if it is just as a friend for the time being, given that I have no intentions on abandoning her like others have done before. I do know, I had invited her to a concert a month or so ago, and she'd still like to attend, so there is that as well. Again, thank you for the reply, I truly appreciate the insight.