BPDFamily.com

I'm trying to find a councellor for my partner. I'm lookomg for someone that has bpd themselves. He's seen so many and they have not helped...I thought someone that's been through it themselves would have a better chance of helping him manage it.

Hey JmC and welcome to the family!

I'm not sure how many counselors out there have/had BPD, but most of the time it's not that the therapist is failing- it's that people with BPD aren't ready to change and grow.  As long as your partner sees fault in everyone around him and blames them for his problems, then no therapy on Earth can help.  He must be willing to accept help to make actual change.

In my life, there's a BPD ex wife and a BPD young adult child.  My kid took therapy seriously a few years ago and turned her life around in amazing ways....this was after almost a decade of therapy that did nothing.  And the psychiatrist that helped her was the one she hated the most years earlier.  The difference was that she was finally ready to work and change her mental health.

In my ex's case, she says that there's nothing wrong with her and it's everyone else's fault- they don't understand, they make her life difficult, etc.  So she suffers in silence while blaming everything but herself, and there's literally nothing anyone can do about it.  Each of us are responsible for ourselves and we are powerless to make anyone else change anything.  She will not get better until she can accept some of the blame for her own life.

Could you tell us a little more about your situation?  Maybe we can give more direct advice.