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I was my pwBPD's favourite person for a long  time. Then, slowly, they began distancing myself. LDR.

They gave me the silent treatment for 10 days, then returned as lovely as ever. Talking about "us", using pet names. Like the good old days.

Then, just as soon as it began...silent treatment again for 3 days. She was "busy"

I told her that "I accept you're gone, but I'm not sure why you keep returning if you don't want to be with me?"

She gave me a big long talk about how it's just a casual thing as-needed [she would text me in the past if I was minutes late to reply]

She's gone again.

I've promised this person I won't ghost but I am now being taken for a ride and kept as a backup generator of sorts. Worse, she has accused me on being insensitive, not trusting, etc, because she was only gone for 3 days. Trust me, it was deliberate.

What to do here? I am not wanting to ghost her, or be seen to be having a tantrum about it, but I want her gone now.

Hey Odd, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

First off, you're not ghosting anyone- she's disappearing.  She's ghosting you and insisting that it's acceptable.

Remember that you control you, she controls her.  If what she's doing is not okay, then tell her.  But at the same time, you can't take the stance of saying it's okay...there must be a boundary here.  She doesn't get to be half-in/half-out with you waiting endlessly for contact.

Well, I confronted her on it and said I loved her .She explains she has no feelings for me and called the whole thing a day.

Okay, then you have an answer- you're no longer on hold waiting for her.  At least you now have some clarity and can begin to heal.  I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted to hear, but at least you know that you're free to move on.