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Hello all,

I had posted a few months ago while in the thick of a situation, I would like to share my experience and perhaps a lesson for anyone going through something similar. This may be a lengthy post.

For some reference, my ex and I had been together for almost 2 years, and I had decided to break up, leaving our place and returning to my parents place. This was because I could no longer tolerate the emotional and physical abuse, false accusations and day to day terror. My ex had then told me she was pregnant, but planned to have an abortion. She stayed at my parents place at this time, where we had one of the worst fights of our relationship, that led to damages worth thousands, and my mother making comments to her that my ex has never been able to forgive as a result. This was one of the most difficult periods of my life. We then went back to our place, where I helped her through the process of her abortion. This was the second time for her, as she also had an abortion with her previous partner. After she had the abortion, I supported her in her recovery as much as I could, while trying to maintain some distance, and while still recovering, she began to go on dates, and eventually found a new place. I would like to mention that there was one instance where I could have gotten her pregnant, but I have no way to be sure, as I later discovered she was seeing her ex partner during this time.

About a week after she left for her new place, she asked me to spend New Years Eve with her in Paris, and told me if I didn't go, she would be taking someone else, and it would be a chance for us to reconnect. I still was in emotional turmoil, I told her I would like some time, and I don't think it's a good idea. She asked me to go to see her several times, and I told her I would do so after several days. A day after, she told me that she was now in a serious relationship, and we would no longer be able to talk. I was devestated. As the New year past, I was in despair of the idea of her being with her new person in Paris. I recalled how special our previous New Years celebration was, and couldn't comprehend how this happened so quickly. She posted a picture of them together, and I reached out in a series of needy messages.

About a week later, she called me, and told me to leave her alone, telling me I'm a horrible person, and comparing me with her new partner. I understand I am at fault for this, as I decided to reach out, I was unable to maintain my pain. I had turned to this forum at the time, and recieved some good advice, however I wasn't able to apply it. After this call, she unblocked me and on the same night asked me to go and see her. I did.

She told me that she was planning to leave her current partner, as she had searched his phone against his will and found he had an archived conversation with a girl, who he claimed was a backup option incase things didn't work out between them. This is something I also experienced with her, I would explain, but it would make this into the length of a novel. We began to spend time with eachother, seeing and eventually, she did end things with him. While we did not share any intimacy, she allowed me back into her life. At this point, I had apologised to her, taken responsibility for everything that I had done. She said she was not a violent person, and it was my fault that she reacted this way, claiming life with me was a living hell. I was still very much in love with her, and I hoped for a resolution. I now knew about BPD, and while my ex is undiagnosed, the behaviours I had experienced with her began to make sense. I thought things could be different if I walked on eggshells. She told me that if I helped to pay off her rent, which amounted to £5000, she would see that I care and consider being with me again, otherwise I should leave. This month included, I have given about 3000 so far since Jan, putting myself in a financial mess in the process.

Aside from what I mentioned, we began to go on dates, I would watch movies with her at her new place, which I would go to almost everyday after work via an hours train journey. She would hug me, hold my arm as we walked, and told me that she loved me. I payed for her to take a trip for her to go to France (she's a French national) to see her parents. While she was there, she asked me to write a letter to her, explaining how I could love someone like her as I know how difficult she can be. I did so, and she said it brought her to tears. She then asked me to come to France and meet her family which I had never done before. I bought the ticket, she saw it as a huge declaration of love. The following morning, I was packed and ready to go, I began to make my way to the station, I then received a text from her asking if I can cancel, as her sister had an emergency and she needed to see her. I told her it wasn't possible, only prosponing was possible at a charge. I changed my ticket to a day after her birthday, and we agreed to spend her birthday together there (falling sometime in late June).

Final paragraph, sorry for the length of the post!
During the next few months, we continued to spend time together. She was still in contact with her recent ex of whom she went to Paris with. She would call him infront of me. I told her if she continued to do so, I will have to leave, in which she would bring up past events in response. Despite it being rocky, I felt renewed hope that I we would be able to form a new relationship. She had said so herself, I recall her calling me letting me know that she loved me, making big declarations of love. As we approach present day, about 3 weeks ago, she began to cancel our plans. We'd arrange to meet, and she would ghost me completely till the next day. One weekend, she told me she was unwell, then told me she had spent the day with her friend instead (another guy). She would then apologise and say we will meet for sure next weekend, with the same result. She called me, and told me she needed time, and she was planning to move to a new place. She asked me if I want to collect my stuff that she has, she took a TV, games console and some other things. She said I should take it so I don't accuse her later of stealing it. After a few days of no contact, she told me she misses me a few days ago. Yesterday, I asked her what was going on, and why she had become so cold and distant. I asked her what is happening regarding our trip to France. She told me to cancel it, as it is not going to happen. I then told her I assume that we are done then, she said she's good on her own. I told her I hope she will be happy as I do care about her, she said she wishes me the same. I am now unsure of where we stand, is it truly over? I suspect she has moved in with this previous guy, she had raised my suspicions about that before, and all but confirmed it. I will end this here, as this is way too lengthy. I'm now back to where I was prior to going back to her. In denial, heart shattered, shocked. I thought everything was going well between us, but i've been completely cut out of her life without any explanation, most likely, replaced by a new supply.

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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: Forest22 on May 11, 2024, 07:18:37 PM