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Yesterday I booked myself a holiday by a beautiful beach.  I felt excited and happy and then I cried.

I realized I cried because I had not been happy but more than that I was conditioned not to be happy because being happy could change by her moods, and it always did.  You are expecting nothing to last.

I won't miss holidays and she created an issue.

I won't miss not being able to just chill out because she is never satisfied or doesn't know what she wants or likes from one moment to the next. 

I won't miss doing something great and looking across at her and seeing - nothing - no joy, no love, no recognition for what we were looking at.

Nothing

I can be excited, happy, in awe and express it and nobody will say "what are smiling at me for"

 I won't miss her fake laughs that change for different people

I won't miss her absence of empathy

I won't miss the guilt trips or the accusations

I won't fixations that are never ending.   They just never stopped.  She always had to have one.

I won't miss being called negative by one of the most miserable people I have ever met.

Now I know how her mind works, the suppressed anger, resentment and revenge.  The dark thoughts that linger in her mind

I won't miss that. 

I won't miss the endless reassurance of her attractiveness, capabilities, my love for her and in detail

I won't miss the passive aggressive comments and looks. 

I finally be able to breathe without someone sometimes hating my guts and resenting the air I breathe

I forgot

I won't miss the fake persona and the years of lies.