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Title: hopeless Post by: Jamille on May 14, 2024, 08:21:20 AM I am feeling completely hopeless about my marriage. My wife has BPD. I feel like I have tried everything but we keep ending up in this same situation. I feel completely unsupported and like my needs/wants don't matter. As long as I am happy, available for her every want and need, I don't show any emotions, etc. we are fine. Which is usually really the case for me. But, once in awhile, I need a little support. Is it really possible to be happy, healthy, and supported in a relationship with someone with BPD? I love her to death but feel like this is damaging my own mental health.
Title: Re: hopeless Post by: kells76 on May 16, 2024, 09:33:46 AM Hi Jamille and welcome to the group :hi:
A lot must have happened for you to be feeling hopeless about your relationship. That's not what anyone wants for their marriage, and it sounds overwhelming. Feeling like your needs don't matter is pretty common around here, so you're not alone, at all. While there are no "magic wands" where "if you just do these techniques, it's guaranteed to turn things around", there certainly are new tools, skills, and approaches (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62266.0) you can try -- many of them counterintuitive -- that might make your life more livable, no matter what your wife does or doesn't do. First, though, sometimes a bit of background can help us get a better handle on your situation. You mention your W has BPD -- does she have an official diagnosis? If so, how long ago did she receive it, and does she tend to be accepting of the diagnosis, or dismissive/in denial? How long have the two of you been married? And do you have any kids together? ... Is it really possible to be happy, healthy, and supported in a relationship with someone with BPD? It's a hard question that many members here are working through. I think what sometimes happens is people have to grieve the loss of the "generally normal" marriage they'd hoped for, and come to acceptance of the reality of the marriage as it is -- a marriage where one partner has some pretty severe emotional limitations. Getting support and education here (and at other reputable sites like the NEABPD's Family Connections (https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/family-connections-programs/) program) will be critical for you maintaining your own mental health, no matter what happens. Fill us in on how things are going, whenever works best for you; kells76 |