BPDFamily.com

So I was friends with a lady who I thought was kind and caring but I had to distance myself when I realised she was using me as her free therapist for all the drama she was creating with her life. She never shared any good news with me, I was her container of bad news.

Also her behaviour reminded me of my bpd mum’s- she continued to make more babies than she could care for. I came face 2 face with my hurt inner child when I looked at her then 15 year daughter- very visibly unhappy girl- that use to be me.

She had no qualms about using her daughters to care for their baby siblings. I just couldn’t stand it. .

The first time she noticed I was backing off from the friendship she created a situation where she accused me of ignoring her in public- I was in a group of colleagues and she was in a different group and we passed each other, there was no time to exchange pleasantries.
That evening she exploded in text messages asking me if we were still friends. I sort of left the friendship quietly after that and allowed the friendship to die naturally when I noticed there was a lot of one- ups going on too.

I just found out her husband passed away a year ago through a go fund me page. I’m really sad for her but can’t help thinking she ran the man to the ground. He was someone who was keeping a healthy lifestyle and I’m shocked that he’s gone and young too -from illness.

I wonder if it wasn’t a natural cause and he actually ended himself. I remember seeing him looking very subdued at school drop off.

 She was someone who believes in natural healing even though she’s working in healthcare, I wonder if they both had ignored his illness and left the disease too late.
I don’t know why I m posting this but maybe to share this story in the hopes folks will read this get away from this  dark evil hostage situation that’s relationship with pwbpd.

Meanwhile, she’s going about dressing in bold colours ( bright yellow like lollipop lady) receiving awards for her ‘ entrepreneurial achievements’. Setting up new ‘business after new business’ .

It’s a sad mess !

It's possible. I had a "friend" (actually she was no friend apparently) who moved to our area, joined my friend group and eventually turned the friends against me and they got together without me. All without me being aware of it until I noticed they didn't include me any more. Wondering what happened, I asked one of them what was going on and her only reply was that this person doesn't like me. Why? What did I do? There was no way of knowing.

She eventually left town and after she did, I found out she did this to other people as well, sabotaging friendships and also other connections.

The remaining "friends" are still close to each other and while we are friendly to each other when we are in places where we run into each other, I don't get together with them or even try. I suspect they were unknowingly being recruited as her flying monkeys at the time - but they have become even closer friends now and I am not as connected and don't want to be.

NW

Looks like sabotaging relationships is hallmark bpd trait. This ex friend of mine was also the type to turn people against me- mainly repeating what I’ve shared with her in confidence to people who are not even close.
Even before I found out about BPD the first red flag she showed was switching faiths or her beliefs just because she’s met an acquaintance with a different faith. She also told lies about having 3 children when infact she had 4 and one is autistic.

There was also a one-up habit with her , like she enjoyed being superior even in insignificant ways. I recognised things early and cut off from the friendship.

The was she described her husband, it seems he was NPD too, they broke up and made up so many times and it seemed each time she fall pregnant to keep him trapped. It’s unfortunate that he’s gone. I can’t imagine the pressure on her 19 year old daughter to support her

Yes, this person broke several relationships that I learned about later.  For my group, it was four of us. Somehow the three bonded and left me out. I don't have any idea why. I didn't do anything to them. The one with BPD eventually moved out of town. The other two remain close friends. I am cordial and friendly to them but distant. I don't want to try to be friends with them now.

I don't know much about the husband. I didn't interact much with him. But I am glad this person moved as she was a destructive force.

Sounds about right.  My mom denied having Parkinson's and refused medication, until her lifelong friend's husband got Parkinson's and told mom how much better he was doing on his medication.  Until then, mom didn't have Parkinson's and the meds "made her so sick she was going to die".  When the friend's husband started taking his meds and feeling better, mom decided she did have Parkinson's and remarkably, the meds helped her symptoms (in the beginning).

It's crazy making.

Her whole life, mom would also would never order in a restaurant until everyone else had ordered, and then she would copy someone else's order.  She would order the same new windows as her sister, and also copied the sister's kitchen renovation.  Eventually the sister moved away (another abandonment), and mom ghosted her for 10 years.

That’s just bizarre.

Extreme mirroring. It’s the lack of sense of self- a way to identify with someone by copying them. So that once her friend shares anything about her husband she can make it about her own illness

My BPD mother does this with me. ( and others too but it's odd when it's me). I might say something and she will turn around and say it as if she said it. She will also repeat stories about her and us as kids and I don't remember any of it.  I think some are things other people shared with her as when I hear them, I think - what? that didn't happen.

With opinions or advice- if I give her an opinion about something, she rejects it, but if she hears an opinion from her hairdresser's second cousin - well that is the right opinion.

I recall when looking at assisted living places for my parents - I visted some. I wanted to be sure they were going to be a good place for them. They rejected every suggestion. But when the neighbor said her mother was in one- well that must be the best one- right?