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My husband and my son both have undiagnosed bpd. However the symptoms are all there.  My son self medicate with drugs to relieve the pain whilst my husband works 24/7 to deal with his. Both refuses to get help and constantly tells me I'm the one that need help. Both are very loving and caring people. Any suggestions as to how I can get my son especially to seek help. He is 36 and has been section twice. I'm trying to avoid a 3rd episode of hospitalisation.

Hi Valwend
I can understand how you want so much for your ds to get help and avoid a 3rd episode. My dd also self medicates which has brought it's added problems of course. But I do observe that she is much calmer when she is using - the problem comes with the withdrawal when symptoms seem much worse.

A big problem is that using is a quick road to feeling better. Antidepressants have helped dd but she doesn't stick to taking them. Other stronger meds that she was given after hospitalizations had quite a few side effects.

Also my dd's anxiety becomes extremely high if she has to talk/listen etc.

Sometimes I have found it helpful to let go of trying to get dd to take steps, and try to get a better understanding of why she doesn't want to do so. This has surprised me at times, but it has helped me understand what is going on within her and the other complicating factors that put a pressure on her.

The other suggestion you have probably used is using 'I' statements to see if that opens up discussion. Expressing how anxious you are for him to not go down the previous path might help things.

In the long rum perhaps ds is now dependent on whatever he is using, so that adds another layer - the strength to go through withdrawal and then a different road.

In the long run, at 36, there is not a lot you can do other than what you have already been doing. You are clearly a very supportive family . . .

quote author=Valwend link=topic=358580.msg13215697#msg13215697 date=1719270183]

.... undiagnosed bpd. However the symptoms are all there.  My son self medicate with drugs to relieve the pain whilst my husband works 24/7 to deal with his.

... Both are very loving and caring people

... has been section twice. I'm trying to avoid a 3rd episode of hospitalisation.
[/quote]

If you son has been sectioned, then they will have analysed his condition, but clinicians tend to "treat the symptoms and avoid the labels" as the symptoms you've mentioned map to many conditions, e.g. drug use can cause some of these symptoms.

That said, people with BPD (i.e. a Personality Disorder) are very focused on themselves and hence tend to struggle being "loving and kind", their focus is on themselves.

Self medication using drugs is common with ADHD as is using work as a coping mechanism. ADHD effects motivation and executive functioning skills - hence work provides the structure and support they need.

Stimulants like coffee help people with ADHD to relax and focus, my son is also kind and loving but drinks coffee just before bed time, to relax. But folk with adhd are typically keen to find the truth,  where as someone with BPD goes in the opposite direction. The main share symptoms are impulsivity and anxiety (often relating to the stigma of the labels). My son manages his well, so no believe he has it (other than his clinicians) "reasonable adjustments" help a lot.

... also note that it's common for people with BPD & adhd to have "co-mobid conditions", so it's never that simple - another reasons to ignore labels and just help with the symptoms. We're all different, only some of us are more different that others.