BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone,

I'm still processing a breakup with my BPD ex (29 M) from around two months ago. He broke up with me. I don't know what's in store for us in the future, if he'll ever attempt to reach back out to me, or if he'll try to rekindle anything. Right now, we're in NC, which was initiated by me. He has been respectful of this boundary. Before NC, he was very conflicted about being away from me, telling me he still loved me, and that it was harder and harder to be away from me.

I'm wondering - has anyone gone through a breakup with their pwBPD, gotten back together, and actually had things work out? There are a lot of horror stories on the boards, and plenty of people urging me to move on and don't look back. But I'm curious! I've read some posts in SUCCESS STORIES, but my questions here are specific to breaking up and then reconciling. How long was the initial relationship? How much time did you spend apart? What was the process of getting back together like? AND - what did you do differently that allowed the second iteration of the relationship to be successful?

There might not be a lot of success stories here hashbrown, just do to the nature of the site.

I'll share that during one challenging period in my relationship with my ex, after she had gone off on me and belittled and yelled for hours, I was emotionally taking a step back and reconsidering. And that's when my ex wanted to meet up and talk. So I did, but I felt the power structure had changed. She was always the more 'powerful' one in the relationship, I was always trying to fix things I did wrong, or accommodating her confusing behavior, or making sense of her communications.

This time we met it felt different. During that meeting I told her that "it was the yelling. I can't take it.". She acknowledged that, even pointed out the times it had occurred and asked if there were others she missed. She said she 'regrets' those times.

She didn't apologize, she didn't take ownership, she didn't express how bad or hurtful that was. Just "regrets". 

Within two weeks she was yelling and belittling me again. And I was sucked back in and didn't want to lose her, so I didn't set a good boundary. And this continued, for another 10 months...along with the lies and gaslighting and ghosting and criticisms.

At the very end I pointed out to her that she said she wouldn't yell at me any more, her response...."I didn't promise".

So, the dynamic didn't change, the behavior didn't change, and the gaslighting and criticisms stayed the same. After that very brief meeting.