BPDFamily.com

Hello,
 
My mother has borderline personality disorder.  She exhibits all the signs of borderline and with her permission, I asked her psychiatrist if she had it and he told me yes.  Then when he spoke to her, he told her no.  This is a very difficult situation because she doesn't want to admit she has it or get treatment for it.  I am at a loss for words as to what to do except keep my distance from her. 

Any suggestions welcome.  Thanks.

It sounds like you wish the psychiatrist would tell your mother she has BPD so your mother can take responsibility for her behaviors and get treatment. My mother had BPD and a very good psychiatrist. I tried to get him to offer her family therapy and he told me it would not work. He gave her individual therapy for quite awhile and it did not work as she had no insight or willingness to work on changing her behaviors. I have heard from other sources that the psychiatrist was a very good therapist.

There is some consensus that it's not productive to tell someone with BPD traits that they have BPD - diagnosed or not.

The best chance of success is for the pwBPD to come to it on their own.

As long as it's someone else's idea, it will be perceived as criticism, rejection, or some other unfair judgement that the pwBPD is unlikely to accept.

Sorry for the dynamics you're dealing with - Perhaps there's another way to approach this for your benefit?  It sounds like you have established a boundary and minimize contact - we know that's not easy, but often a valid and helpful choice.

I think your mother's psychiatrist has a reason for not telling her and it is for her own benefit. He is trying to establish a working relationship with her. He knows if he tells her, she's going to paint him black and leave and not come back.

He is not being deceptive with her. Sometimes it's more effective to deal with the individual "symptoms" rather than an overall label and the result may be better. If she's feeling anxious- or depressed- then he can work with these labels "anxiety" "depression" which she may be willing to work with too.

There isn't a specific medicine for BPD, so if she's depressed, she could take the same medicine as someone who doesn't have BPD and has depression. Therapy - DBT- doesn't have to be specific for BPD.

This psychiatrist has his reasons for not labelling your mother with BPD and by doing it this way, he may have a better chance of helping her. You know he's aware- so he has his reasons.