Print Page - New here, Help please

Hello, I am sure that everything I'm about to ask help with has been covered b4, but I'm not finding the answers I seek yet.

Ill start with a little background, i apologize if its to much info.

My partner and I have had an on again off again situation for the better part of 4 years now. They identify as non binary, bisexuality, and as well as when we 1st met they identified as polyamorous. However they have changed that to monogamous since we've met, even when we are off. There is a large age gap which I realize is the source of some of our issues. They have done adult entertainment online since b4 I met them. I do not have an issue with this. Both them and myself feel that since I have been in their life, their life and mental health have improved. But we still struggle a lot. Both their parents were alcoholics and their childhood was less then ideal, spending a significant amount of time living with their grandparents. They have also suffered from 1 or more sexual assaults as a teen. We met online, then in person from what would be viewed by most as a high risk situation. I was going through a divorce at the time. I have 4 kids, but my kids have never met them. This is for a couple reasons Including judgment of the age gap by my oldest and my ex, as well, I don't want to subject my kids to the bpd. I don't think that would be fair to them.

Now for the issues

At times it feels like they are compartmentalizing their life and seem to not share things with me.

I would say 75% of the time or more when I ask a question, any question, it gets met with anger because they think I'm judging them, or supiroity attitude like I'm stupid for asking the question.

They say that they don't feel connected or loved by me often, but I don't know how to achieve this for them, I'm always there to support them, but its hard to even have a conversation when asking questions gets such a negative response. I do admit that my kids come 1st but this has been clearly stated from day 1. When they claim that they don't feel love and connection they completely throw out everything I have even done for or with them and it's like a "what have you done for me lately" situation. Today i was the recipient of anger becasue i responded to a photo they sent me of their dog with questions instead of saying "awe cute" or attaching a smiley face 1st

I frequently feel like they are pushing me away, but when we have tried to break up, it leads to a whole lot of drama in the form of conflicting texts, then self harm and hospital visits to the mental health unit.

They seem to have 3 distinct personalities. But which one or how much of each are present varies widely with no discernable patern.

There is angry and independent (AaI)
There is the one I'll call "little" which is loving, vulnerable, and appreciative
Then there is normal which is no different then that of any other person. There seems to be a lot of conflict between little and AaI. Little feels guilty of AaI's actions, and AaI hates little for being vulnerable.

There is many details and questions that I am sure I am missing, and I will update and answer any questions asked.

I feel that I don't get the same patience and understanding that I provide and it's getting harder and harder not to snap and point out every little flaw and misstep they have made with me.

And while typing this out has made me realize that most people would have pulled the pin on this a long time ago, i seem to be a gluton for punishment.

Please help me learn to make things better for us both

BPDFamily.com

Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: LostViking on July 11, 2024, 10:32:40 PM