BPDFamily.com

I grew up with a mother that has BPD. She would /does have terrible mood swings and she would rage against us (her children) or anyone who was around. When in public with her, I was terrified of anyone making her angry or setting her off. She would tell me that she never wanted me, that she hates me. I was blessed to be able to participate in many sports and activities in my childhood, but burdened by having her there, putting me down and calling me horrible names. Names such as bitch, slut, whore.. I was a small child and I was scared.. She used to apologize a day, a week after going off on me.. eventually she stopped saying sorry and just kept piling it on instead. She was jealous of my other relationships and the closeness that I had with my father, my sister and my friends. She regularly used the word hate when talking about people she disliked. She would wake me up at night, crying and telling me that she needed to talk to me about how so and so treated her. She would ask for my response and if I didn't agree with her, she would curse me and cry wildly. I was so scared. I wanted to run. My father would run. He would leave during one of her rages and go stay in his truck or at one of his rental properties. We were stuck at home, with her, and her rage. I didn't know what to think or how to act. I was confused about people and relationships. Luckily, I had friends that would swoop by with their parents to pick me up and take me out to do stuff and take my mind off of the abuse. Most of the time, I felt stuck. All of the rage affected my ability to socialize. In elementary school, I was a social butterfly but when I got to middle school, I was much less social. I was afraid to make friends. My mother would scream at my friends and their parents if they did anything she disliked. My trust of others was stifled.

Hi Miny,

So sorry you're having to deal with this. We could be related, as your account of your mum fits mine. It sounds like your still in the traumatized stage. So I'd recommend googling "trauma traingles" . That will explain why she uses the word hate a lot and can control you if you're terrified she'll make a scene. Just remember, the bad behaviour you've described isn't your fault, but if you study trauma triangles, then you can step out of that controlling mechanisum. x

I'm not on here often, but there's a lot of wisdom on here (check out the library section). Set one, is to avoid trauma triangles by changing your behaviour. My mum still does this, but her kids now work together to step out of this dynamic. She still uses the same triggers from 30 years ago, just doesn't know why the don't work.  lol  You'll get there, be good to yourself  :heart: