BPDFamily.com

Hi all,
Not actually in a relationship with this girl but we were getting very close.

She kicked off about me still living with my ex (although my ex is due to move out soon). This girl got angry about me sorting money stuff with my ex saying I shouldn't pay her a penny (well, legally and morally I need to buy her out the use, so...)

Our last whatsapp convo was 2 days ago. She was irrational. Ended with her saying she was going to bed. I messaged the next day saying "how are you feeling today?". No response. I tried again today saying I missed talking to her and hoped she was OK. She has seen both messages - no response.

Can't work out if she is deliberately ignoring me to hurt me, or feels absolutely nothing for me anymore (devalued or discarded?) or is going through a genuine mental health crisis - she did say when we first met that sometimes she goes AWOL for days on end when things get too much.  So could be that?

It's just weird and sad - I have known her 3-4 months and we have spoken every single day, literally.

Feels like a massive hole in my life as we had so many nice upcoming plans and we always chatting.

Just feel empty and sad.

Is she likely to message/reply? I am hoping its her own crisis and she just is detaching from everyone and not just me, and will get back in touch - but I just don't know.

Is she likely to message or reply...no one can answer that for sure for you. Possibly yes, possibly no. You have to be okay with the fact that is not in your control. It just is what it is.

What you can control though is going about your business and focusing on you and your own life. Be open to the reply back if that is what you want, but don't sit there pining for it. Fill your time up with things you want to do and then go do them.

There could be a lot going on with her...let her come to you. More than any other disorder though it could be attachment issues/intimacy issues and those are for her to iron out and figure out on her own.

Keep your head up. Be kind to you and take care of yourself.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

Thank you so much xx

In my experience giving The silent treatment is typical for pwbpd to use when they are annoyed, angry, bored with the r/s, etc . Either way it is not a healthy way to communicate their feelings and  I would honestly see this as being a  red-flag.

Yes, this is a new relationship and in this short time, she doesn't want you to live where you are living, you have arguments you can't resolve, and she's not responding to you.

I have seen people say "but he/she is a good person". Yes but even good people can be disordered and two good people can be incompatible as romantic parners. The beginning of a relationship is usually when people decide- do I want to take this to the next step? I don't know if she has BPD or not. It's the behaviors to look at. Is this something you want in a relationship? It's your choice. She also has this choice so it's not possible to know what she is going to decide.

Be good to yourself. Ask yourself "is this good for me to be treated like this?"

Thanks both :)
Lots of food for thought!
I did end up texting one more time using the SET method and got a response but it was fairly blah. I had said as my last part (truth) that even if she wanted nothing more,  the last few months had been so special to me. Her response was "I am glad you have enjoyed some parts of the past few months- I have too x".

This is despite her telling me recently that she has loved every minute of our time together?!

Seems cold to me to add in "some parts"....

And also like she is agreeing that she wants nothing more. But with a kiss. Confusing!