BPDFamily.com

My ex-husband and I are currently seeing each other after 25 years apart.
Initially, 30 years ago, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. 
I really care about his happiness; I can see that he is suffering from being influenced by feelings that are out of his control.
However, I am feeling more and more burnt out.
I have watched many videos and gained a lot of information.
For now, this doesn't help much - it is as if I am dealing with a lying, controlling, manipulative, angry, wounded child.
I don't know how much longer I can hang on.
It's as if he is purposely acting in opposition to all my beliefs; beliefs I thought we shared.
It is hard to find good help and support, especially free.
I am not sure I can interest him in getting the help he needs.
I do feel so awfully alone.

Hello and a warm *welcome*

We're glad you joined the group -- this is a place with people who understand the unique challenges of loving someone with a PD and other mental health issues. We also understand that people return to and stay in BPD relationships for any number of reasons, and we respect that.

It sounds to me like there is some backstory with you and your exH? What caused the initial separation? Did you two have any kids together? And what led to reconnecting recently?

I think you had a good insight that you may not be able to get him to get help. People generally seek help for things that they think are problems, not things that we think are problems.

As far as you can tell, does he think he has any problems?

Settle in here, click around, and fill us in on the details whenever works best for you;

kells76

I'm so sorry - it is taking me quite some time to learn how to use this site.
To answer your questions:
My exH and I were married for ten years. 
After five years together, an incident occurred between us and he was diagnosed as being
bi-polar.  This was very,very hard for him because he had been affected by his father being manic-depressive and didn't want to be the same way.
We separated tentatively a couple of times nearing the ten years of marriage. 
Finally, we separated and moved on with our lives - and two years later, still gave the relationship another chance.  It lasted about six months with all the red flags popping up and with one rather hurtful incident, I was done.  I had a lot of support in counselling to end it.
We had one child together - it was difficult to see how he was influencing her when she would visit with him - and there was no way to have any real discussion with him about any of it.
23 years later, my exH contacted me about our daughter.  He thought there might be something happening in her life that might not be good for her.  Later, it turned out that he had also hoped that by contacting me, we could renew a relationship.  I have always cared about him, always felt bad that we couldn't work things out.  And soon, found myself back in a swamp of misery.  This time, he self-diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder after trying to convince ME that I had this condition.  Doing my research, especially about BPD relationships, all the symptoms fit him to a T.  Now, he believes that he ONLY has SOME symptoms of BPD.  It is like constantly hitting a wall talking to him about anything deeper than superficial conversation.  I am very worried I haven't got what it takes to go on.  Just don't know if it is worth it, I only have so much energy in dealing with my own depression. I thought he was worth it because he can be a kind, generous, funny person.
But I don't know if I can keep up my end - some of the things he does hurt me badly and there's no way he cares to hear about it.  Yes, I am back in counselling for support in at least keeping my head on straight.