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Title: Please Help: I’m being broken by my wife Post by: RazorRamon on August 13, 2024, 02:07:06 PM My wife & I have been married for 2 1/2 years. During that time, her mental health has slowly deteriorated. She’s on her 3rd job during this time from & quit each from being overwhelmed by stress, worry, anxiety & anger. Work is her major stress point, but really not matter what sets her off, it always comes back to me & she blames everything on me. Regarding work, she rages at me that if I made more money then she wouldn’t have to work & it would solve our problems. When she has an episode she screams, throws things, insults & demeans me & often threatens self harm. She eventually cools off but the process has been cycling almost weekly for months now. I’m traumatized by the whole thing & feel completely broken. I don’t know what to do. Our marriage counselor suspects she has BPD & we’re trying to get her seen by a psychiatrist. I’ve come to terms I’m in a verbally & emotionally abusive relationship, but I just don’t know how much longer I can last. I don’t want to leave her but at what point do I prioritize my own health & well-being?
Title: Re: Please Help: I’m being broken by my wife Post by: kells76 on August 13, 2024, 03:06:54 PM Hi RazorRamon and *welcome*
One of the things we learn here about BPD relationships is that very little is intuitive. Things that might be suggested for "normal" (I use that loosely) couples to try to improve the relationship -- like explaining yourself, having long discussions about the relationship, etc, often aren't effective in BPD relationships, and can sometimes make things worse. I wonder if something similar is in play when you ask this: I don’t want to leave her but at what point do I prioritize my own health & well-being? Does it seem like if you prioritized your health and well-being, that something bad might happen (she might leave you, etc)? Does it seem "selfish" to try to take care of yourself? Counter-intuitively (because this is BPD!), often things don't start to improve in the relationship until we make changes in our own lives. What do you think it would be like, when she does this: When she has an episode she screams, throws things, insults & demeans me & often threatens self harm. you prioritized protecting yourself, by taking a break from it? You aren't required to be in the same room to allow yourself to hear insults. What if you chose to go to the grocery store, walk the dog, sit in a park...? That protects you from hearing insults, protects her from hurting you, and protects the relationship. She might not like it... but her disliking it doesn't mean it's unhealthy. What do you think? |