BPDFamily.com

I’ve been with my bpd husband for over 8 years.  I thought for years that his mood swings, rage and abusive behavior were mostly attributed to childhood abuse and addiction.  What I’ve realized in the last year is that bpd is what has been most prominent.  He agrees that this fits him.  He has been seeing  a therapist twice monthly for years, he says he is working on managing splitting since he’s identified that he does it but has yet to follow through in being able to stop or control it.  I am falling out of love with this person who continuously splits on me and then doubles down for days before he finally comes to his rational thinking and apologizes and promises to work on managing the splitting.  I honestly want to be done at this point and if I didn’t fear a horrible vindictive divorce, I would take steps at this point.

 I can sympathise totally. It's the gradual erosion and repetition that wears us down. Each time we hope 'this is the last time they'll do it'.. then it happens again and you have the image of being caught on the mouse wheel, never getting anywhere new and just going in circles.

In my own case, she wouldn't admit she had any problems, it was always 'someone else's fault' and she never apologised for anything she did. She knew I'd always chase after her even though I was the innocent one, which I now know just encouraged her to keep doing it. I should have set clear boundaries once I knew she'd keep doing it again and again.

Eventually she had one mega-split which made me realise that I either ended things or put up with her behaviour for the rest of my life. I chose to end it but, knowing what I now know about BPD, if I could go back I think I'd have tried for a bit longer, even though I'm sure the end would have been the same eventually.