BPDFamily.com

Hello,
  I was in a long-term relationship with a partner for about 1.5 years until it came to screeching halt after I had had a conversation about moving forward and had finally brought up the lack of physical intimacy but I thought he would move forward.  He had strung me long enough on this.  The last time I saw him, I went by his house to drop off food since he wasn't answering his phone and he suddenly showed up on his driveway after coming back from biking. At first he invited me inside but I said "no" because he had the day before started saying I was just a friend.  He repeated this defense and wouldn't listen to my facts but what proved we were in a romantic relationship.  He told me he is an emotionally unavailable man. After trying to discuss and with him getting angry, he then said he was going inside and took the food and slammed the door shut.  He told me we could speak by phone from the car (just letting me drive back an hour without eating dinner).  So I left and tried to call him. Initially he would only text but then I explained I couldn't text and drive.  Eventually, the conversation became more normal so I thought we were going to be okay again, but he cut me off and only messaged a few days later that we are just friends and I was missing out on a great friendship and I said, "OH stop", and he then said "okay bye".  That was the last I would hear from him.  This was now just over 2 months ago.

I tried many times to reach out as also he left me in the lurch with a home buying process, a home to which he would have eventually moved but he ignored all communication.  He stalks me on Facebook but that is about it. Just this past Sunday, he told some woman he knows through his friend that I could help her with her disease since I had had it and praised me to her where I work, etc.. She then started texting me for help.  I found it so strange he told her that I was his friend when he won't communicate with me. I tried to reach out to him to inquire he again ignored and increased the stalking me on FB.  Some say I should block him but I still care about him and if it gives him comfort to see I am there then so be it.  I have been trying to move on and speak to other men but I do miss him.  I don't understand what he wants but if you all think he would never talk to me again, then I need to understand that to move on.  Please help me because I went through a lot and had extreme PTSD for a month while trying to get out of that home buying process.

Thank you all

Welcome to the fam.  :hi: Take some time to get acquainted with the site.

If you would like to feel free to check out our library here. It will provide some very useful information for you.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

In the meantime please continue to engage with the community at large. Ask as many questions as you need to and share as much as you want to.

Please be kind to you and please take care of yourself.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

Hello,
  I would have really appreciated someone actually reply to my specific situation as I have been suffering a lot rather than just throw me towards these boards. I can Google all the time all this information but it doesn't really help me and in two months, I have improved very little.

Thanks,
Usha

Hello and welcome to the family. I'm very sorry you're going through this and I hope you weren't offended by the link.  This site is run by volunteers who have regular jobs/lives and most of us are also dealing with a BPD person in our lives.  The link is a great place to start since it explains exactly what's going on in your relationship and what you can do to better yourself regardless of how the relationship progresses.

Some practical advice for today though, turn your focus from what he's saying/doing and find some of your old habits pre-relationship.  That could be spending time with friends/family, that could be hobbies or exercise, or maybe that's just going out and grabbing a great meal at your favorite restaurant. In short, give yourself permission to start living life again on your own terms.

For the relationship part, he was honest with you in saying that he's not emotionally stable enough to be in a committed relationship at this time.  Take that at face value and accept it.  That doesn't mean it will always be true, but for now you want to rekindle love with someone who will undoubtedly hurt you emotionally.  You deserve better than that.

For what he feels, he probably still has feelings for you...but he also knows that he can't be a loyal, committed partner that meets your emotional needs.  Again, accept that truth for today and turn your focus inward.  Be selfish, have a little fun, and figure out what makes you...well, you....outside of a relationship.  That's the path towards healing.

One last thing.  You must accept that he's sick.  Mental illness is just like a broken leg or cancer, it's something that we must overcome or it's going to be there forever.  He's not ready to deal with that so there's no long-term path forward for the two of you until something changes.

I hope that helps!

Okay thank you for this info.