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Just wondering if anyone has tried Hypnotherapy? I heard that it can erase a situation from your life... .I wonder if they could erase our exbp's of our life for good? What would happens if that is possible?

6 months ago, I had two hypnotherapy sessions.  It gave me some relief.   When I found out he had a new girlfriend, I crashed (last week).  I've had one hypno session last week and go for another tomorrow.  The therapist says typically 3 or 4 sessions is ideal.  So, I am going through the process.

It has helped me feel better.  I don't want to say cured of the pain, but I feel it in a different way; not as deep, processing differently, etc.  So, I will post updates at the end of July.

My health insurance covers it.   Without insurance, it is about 100 dollars or so.  I recommend it as a therapy to help get relief, recognizing that it won't erase memory or pain, but helps ease it.

I tried hypnotherapy as a tool to peek into my subconscious and get down to some core FOO issues. My T who uses hypnotherapy among other techniques, including mindfulness, advised me against it at the point I were as he wanted me to face the facts without using the hypnotic state as an escape.

I didn't really need it for insight actually. We used mindful meditation instead and it gave me a clear enough glimpse into my conscious and subconscious experiences.

The main difference I felt in these states of consciousness - the meditative and the hypnotic was that under hypnosis I felt like I'm watching a vivid dream I am dreaming and the conscious part of me can experience and analyse it sort of like an out of body, or out of mind, one could say, experience.

This was definitely not a tool for "suggestive programming" of your mind and thoughts that will alter your memories. For me it was a super powerful tool to look inside my psyche. Dangerous too since I easily tend to fantasize and the dream like world that can be uncovered with hypnosis is exactly that - a fantasy based on a true story - your life.

Hi Narellan,

I have used Hypnotherapy for other things. Stopping smoking and to help me reinforce new habits but I think I agree with Trappedinlove. Real detachment for me - and I'm still working on it - is coming from;

1. Accepting the reality of the illness,

2. Recognising my own issues and ill health

3. Really accepting my own role and responsibilities for the relationship.

It's taken time and effort to build my own self awareness but my detachment has grown steadily

Used appropriately - I think hypnotherapy can be a great too for change but I think health and happiness need a strong foundation of reality.

Thanks for posting and good luck with your healing

Reforming

I've used it. Great tool. Worked wonders, in combination with other resources, of course.

Hypnosis wont make you forget... .Sorry! It wont erase it. I do self-guided-hypnosis sometimes. Its more like meditation where you go inside and feel, let go, focus on happy thoughts, set intentions. It does really help me focus on me, set goals, relax and heal.

I once did a professional hypnosis to go back to my childhood trauma event. It didnt work for me as I just woke up in anxiety and said really loud: Screw this! Hell no Im going back there! That could say something about me, or about the quality or the hypno therapist...  lol

Im afraid, its just gonna take more time... .Surpressing it, make you forget it wont help imoh.

Stay strong, keep working on you instead of focussing on her. If you ever do find a quicker fix and something that works... .Please tell me, i want that too!

 

I'm seeing a T that also performs hypnosis. I have been in treatment for 3 months now, we had made one hypnosis session trying to focus on my energy and how I could feel more relaxed. I was very depressed at the time and I have to say that this particular session helped me a bit. But just a bit.

Recooperating is right, is more like meditation and relaxing. My T said next week we're going to try it again. I can tell you more about it later if you want.

I would do anything to forget my ex... .this woman destroyed me. I just want this torture to be over.

I don't want to forget I want to be able to remember but in a detached less emotional way - hopefully I'll get there.

My sister gave me a book by Paul McKenna on mending a broken heart, there was a hypnosis cd with it but I haven't tried it .  However his book uses nlp techniques which were quite good - might be of interest to you?

I used to think like this, that I wanted to erase all memory of it from my head.

Now I think it's good to keep it there, a permanent memorial to my self worth, and what I cannot and will not tolerate in the future.

Not hypnosis but am doing EMDR (which is similar-ish) with my T.  It's not my first time, I have trauma hx.  EMDR is really good for lots of issues.

I also did EMDR with a trauma based T. I had no idea of BPD at that time.

This was shortly after being abandoned and completely cut out of my ex's life for no reason I could understand.  I knew I was traumatized and needed help.

EMDR did help.  I would recommend it.

Very curious if anybody has ever been to a Hypnotist for help with co-dependency,etc. Actually I would love to hear any stories good or bad about Hypnosis.

I went to a hypnotist a few years ago, and I avoid name calling generally but this woman was a total New Age quack.  Lured me in with some empathy that made her seem skilled, then turned out to really lack what I now know therapists call "pacing" (to be honest I'm not even sure if I was hypnotized).  She actually teaches hypnosis and I have read that her students rave about her, so you have to be careful with credibility.  I was feeling very vulnerable personally at the time, so I didn't pursue a Better Business Bureau claim or anything like that, but I really should've.

If you want to use hypnosis I would at minimum find someone who also has training as a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.  Referrals from others are a mixed bag... .I once saw a psychotherapist who came highly recommended by a friend but she was just not for me.

If you are looking for a mind-body based trauma modality, you might also look into EMDR (the people I know who have had it don't seem to have benefitted from it much, but some people swear by it), and Somatic Experiencing.  There's also Focusing which is not a therapeutic modality, but something you can practice yourself as a way of becoming more aware of your own feelings.

I suspect though that with co-dependency, which is (in my opinion anyways) such a fundamentally relational issue, between yourself and at least one other person, that it may benefit most from therapies that focus on emotions and relationship dynamics like psychoanalysis, person-centred therapy or emotion-focused therapy.  

You will likely need to explore your fears, for example "If I stop taking care of everyone, I will be abandoned" or "Meeting others' needs is a way for me to 'earn' getting my needs met" (those are just guesses, you'll need to figure out your own).  

I have actually done EMDR and found that it helped the first session. My story is that I was living with my BPD and we are absolutely still friends and it is a huge struggle because he has PTSD but I used to wake up missing him so much. He can't be touched. It is very hard to stay positive.

I'm stuck and still struggling 10 months out. Just curious if anyone has tried hypnosis to help with detachment?

I think you just gotta learn to live with it.

Agreed. Part of life's rich tapestry I suppose, living and learning from and sharing is all we can do. Things get better and they will.

Hi Duped 1,

If you look within the lessons on Detaching (top of board and to the right, as I'm sure you know) can you identify where you feel you are struggling specifically?  These things take time and it's perfectly normal to find ourselves going backwards to come further forwards sometimes.  Don't be hard on yourself that you aren't at the finishing line.  Life is about the journey and what we take from it.

Love and light x

So I tried to be friends, and realized she kept messing with my heart and my head. I wanted to try and be friends, but I don't think I can until I am completely over her.  She said she didn't want to lose me as a friend, but I don't really think she cares all that much since she never goes out of her way to ask how I am or text me.  I feel like I'm the one always texting her and I don't want to be a needy ex girlfriend.  Especially since for some unknown reason I still want to be with her.

I feel like she still controls my emotions and I just can't deal with that right now.  I don't know how she does it.  She's been able to move on and find women before me. When she's the one with the mental health issue! (Sorry I'm really salty about that) It seems like she's treating this new girl way better than she treated me and it breaks my heart, and I wonder what I ever did to deserve that kind of treatment.  I know they're not a couple as she has told me "SHES NOT HER GF." I think she's becoming more and more of a player everytime I talk to her, but the girls seem not to mind.  Why do women like that?  Why do women like to be hurt? Is it not being able to have something they want? Is it a lesbian thing?

I'm more of a person that will be there for you when you need me, and by your side the moment you ask.  I'm very protective of people I love, and it's not just gf's it's anybody who asks me pretty much depending if I have nothing going on, but I guess that comes off as being needy?  

I finally blocked her on FB.  I've been tempted to unblock her to check it, but I need to be strong and move on! My heart keeps wanting to reach out to her and I am trying to force myself not to, but it's really hard! I want to be done with her.

Anybody ever try hypnosis? Thinking of getting that done so I don't think about her.

I want to point out that you're on the "Learning from the Wounds of a Failed Relationship" ... .I point this out for a reason.  In your second paragraph you how "She" controls YOU and you can't deal with it. You are talking about her in this paragraph and NOT YOU ... .Do NOT concern yourself with thoughts of her, what she is doing or not doing, who's she with or not with ... .this does NOTHING for YOUR healing and perpetuates the issues that you seek to free yourself from.

In your 3rd paragraph you write, "I'm more of a person that will be there for you when you need me, and by your side the moment you ask.  I'm very protective of people I love, and it's not just ff's it's anybody who asks me pretty much depending if I have nothing going on, but I guess that comes off as being needy?"    You describe in large part the behavior of someone who is a "Care Giver" aka "Codependent".  You are a protector, a perfectionist, a giver of your feelings, emotions, money, & of your soul and ask nothing in return. You find happiness from those you help right? All Codependent aka "Care Giver" behavior ... .the good news is that YOU can change this "Learned Behavior" with the help of a really good therapist to find out why you are the "Care Giver" that you are. I know because I was once like you are ... .as many in the group are as or were as well.

It is one of the keys to get to a better place for yourself ... .

To try to come out of a r/s that has been as mentally, physically & emotionally exhausting that you have come out of in addition to maybe being that "Care Giver" ... .some would consider it a PTSD event.  I myself underwent EMDR therapy for PTSD events from my time in the military and I"m here to tell you that there is a 94% positive success rates in the military so I would encourage you to ask your therapist about EMDR and see where that goes ... .it's just one piece of the puzzle.

Stay strong, come back to talk to us as much as you want too and keeping thinking positive thoughts ... .

J

My only concern is that I still like being the "Care Giver," and I'm not really sure I want to change who I am because of my ex.  I still want to be that person, but I want to learn how to not be taken advantage of like that.

i dont think JQ was saying (correct me if im wrong) that you need to exorcise all care taking qualities from your personality.

care taking qualities are found in lots of people, from those that work in mental health, to volunteer workers, to teachers, police officers, hospital workers, nurses, or even just good friends or lovers. my ex had some lovely care taker qualities. she could be very nurturing to those she loved.


you sound like a very loyal person. loyalty is one of my values. loyalty, ive found, should take a fair amount of time to naturally develop. its not something i give to just anyone who asks.

like any personal quality, theres always such thing as "too much of a good thing". when it comes to care taking, when can that happen?

- when your sense of identity depends on it
- when it comes at serious detriment to your own mental or physical health
- when you tend to ignore your own mental or physical health
- when you try to force care on someone who does not want it/isnt asking for it
- when you find yourself unable to say "no"
- when you take on too much responsibility for a responsible adult
- when you cant differentiate your feelings from another persons

ill give you an example. i like that my friends come to me for advice or counsel. i like that they trust and value my judgment. i think i give good advice. these are things i like about me, and i would not change them.

i have also given bad advice before. either generally bad advice, or advice that was well meaning, but more about my personal interests or my own projections about what was best for the individual.

there are other cases. ive gotten frustrated when others didnt follow my advice or werent "getting it" like i wanted them to. ive given it, hoping to receive it in turn, and resented them when i didnt. at times i have sacrificed more of my mental or physical health to helping someone than in retrospect i should have. these are all things i can work on, become a more differentiated person, and in turn, be even better at what i like to do for/give to others, and have better judgment about when and how i should.

codependency isnt about simply having these qualities or traits. its about pathological levels that come at a loss of yourself. "the opposite of codependency is a well differentiated person." a well differentiated person can make for a great care taker.

Shedd you do mention someone else (her) controlling your emotions. that does suggest areas of differentiation that could use work. do any of the items in my list ring some bells?

There are different hypnotherapy techniques and I don't think any can make you forget an ex - but they can make you view them differently and change your responses to them with greater understanding of why you got involved with a BPD.

I broke up with my ex over two years ago and experienced the hit-by-a-truck what's happened to me misery that so many of us experience. I hadn't recovered a year after the break-up. Some acceptance, but still ruminating.

A hypnotherapist was recommended to me, one of the leading ones in the UK - Harley Street and not cheap. I had five sessions with him and found it very helpful. Unlike some hypnotherapy techniques he doesn't implant any message in my mind.

We have a chat about what issues, emotions, feelings I want to deal with - these  brought up by my exBPD and the emotions during the subsequent break up.

He puts my into a hypnotic state and then  speaks to my subconscious. He asks my subconscious what it's feeling, what emotions  it wants to deal with, then he asks me when I first felt these emotions: I am then in a regressive state and by asking my subconscious what it wants to do about this, he leads me further and further back. A bit like a computer tree, tracing emotions to their source. He then asks me what change I want in these emotions. He is asking questions but my subconscious is making the decisions. So he and I are addressing childhood events that caused me to become involved with exBPD.

My ex recently tried to recycle me. I was triggered and tempted but also knew that I was much more aware, a slightly different person - it's a strange but welcome feeling when you can compare the difference in yourself when dealing with an exBPD who is telling you they love you second time around, and the person you were when you first met them.

I'll go back for a couple more sessions because the recent attempt at a recycle brought up more issues for me that I'd not previously recognised - I would not have understood this without the previous sessions and the subsequent changes in me - and so I see further change as beneficial.

I found his hypnotherapy techniques to be effective, different from others I'd experienced for smoking etc. I found it empowering. Long term therapy is expensive. He's expensive too but in fewer sessions - I needed relief from the misery and I found it in my sessions with him.

If you are in the UK I will send you his name by private message.